Check list!

Our check list is getting some action!

• Find an agency we like - CHECK!
• Find a home study agency - CHECK!
• Start filling out mounds and mounds of paperwork - CHECK!
• Buy extra bandaids for the paper cuts - CHECK!

We mailed off our application with our first payment...we're gettin' serious about this people! I have a stack of paperwork that's at least an inch thick AND there are some online forms too. 

I also just ordered and spent $140 on documents that we'll need for the home study. And that wasn't even half of them!

NIAW

It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Although we have closed the treatment door and opened the adoption door, I'll always be infertile. I'll always carry it with me. 


Here's a video that my friend over at The Juice is worth the Squeeze made this and it's awesome, just like her!

Aggravating and exciting.

I'm a little put off by some of my recent encounters with some agencies. 


First of all, in today's world, your website is likely the first place someone is introduced to your business. So, keep it updated please. I'm not asking for all the bells and whistles, just accurate information. 


Secondly, why the crap do you only take informational calls from 9am - 4pm and not during lunch? Don't you know that people have to work to pay for this enormous bill? Oh, and please get my name right after we have emailed back and forth and I've left you a voicemail...and you've listened to my voicemail message. It's really not a hard one. 


And lastly, answer the damn question I ask you. If I ask you, "Can we do a conference call on a weekend due to Mr.Slick's and my work schedule?" Don't reply with a generic email with, "Here's the link to our website, our online packets, and office hours." Or if I ask you, "How many regions do you work with in Russia?" please don't say, "We have excellent facilitators we work with in Russia." That's not what I asked you. Answer my questions!!




We've found an agency that answers our questions, takes our calls whenever we make them (or calls back very shortly after!), and has accurate info. They also email you the things you request within a day. They also have received good reviews and a LOT of them. I trust the 4.5 stars they've received on one rating website from 50+ reviews much more than the 5 stars many other agencies have received with their 2-5 reviews. We'll be deciding for sure later this week after we force ourselves to give another few agencies a chance. We have packets from at least 20 and have talked to on the phone or via email at least 10. I am so ready to make this official!

The Great Debate

So we came to the decision to move on to adoption. 


Now what? 


Well, now came the conversations about what type of adoption. 


Did you know that there's more than domestic, international and foster-to-adopt programs? Yea, I didn't either. 


Option 1: Domestic Infant Adoption through an agency

• Pros - You can adopt a newborn and get as close to the "full" experience as possible.
• Cons - Expensive, long wait times, risk of birth mother/father changing their minds, you the adoptive parent doesn't get to make the final decisions in the adoption plan (open, semi-open, or closed)

Option 2: Domestic Infant Adoption through a facilitator

• Pros - Can be fast, can be relatively inexpensive, you can still adopt a newborn
• Cons - BIG risks of fraud, can also take a long time, you have to put your info out there on the interwebz for all to see (this is the way many facilitation programs now run)

Option 3: Identified Adoption

• Pros - One of the most inexpensive options, get the newborn experience
• Cons - It's rare for adoptive parents to "find" their own birth mom without major hitches

Option 4: Foster-to-Adopt or direct adoption via the state 

(these norms will vary from state to state)

• Pros - Almost free, children are readily available
• Cons - Risk of child being given back to parents or another relative high, very rare to get children under 5 years old, and did I mention the year long risk of the child being taken back????

Option 5: International Adoption

• Pros - You could be saving a child's life as well as giving them a loving family, travel experiences, very rarely are there birth parents/family issues
• Cons - Expensive, more paperwork than "normal" adoptions, have to jump though US hoops as well as the other countries hoops

Right now we're leaning towards option 5. Most of the reason being the first and last pro listed. For Mr.Slick, his fear is the birth parents experience (all the horror stories). We know those instances are rare, but it's something that was really important to him. And for me, the more I thought about it, the first pro listed sold me. These poor kiddos are living in awful conditions in orphanages most of the time and it seriously breaks my heart. 

No, seriously. If you ever want a good cry fest hop on youtube.com and search for videos of overseas orphanages. It will tear you to pieces. 

Information overload

We're about 99.9% sure what type of adoption program we're looking for. 


We're about 99.9% sure we're looking into international adoption. 






We are however, still looking for the right agency. 






We went to a (free! yay!) seminar this past weekend and got a TON of great information on programs we like. We also liked the woman we spoke to but we still want to talk to a few others before making any financial commitments. But yea, this is where the information overload is coming from. There is seriously SOOOOO much to think about.


We've gotten most of the documents we need, or have ordered the ones we need for the home study. 




We also told Mr.Slick's family this weekend (well half of them) and it went well. They were very supportive. We were also able to tell some of my family members who were also supportive. We were, for whatever reason, nervous about this - almost waiting for negative comments. We have received a few but the good have greatly outweighed the bad so far :)

So it seems...

So it seems that my infertility obsession focus will be redirected soon. 


That's right folks, I'm hanging up my stirrup socks and trading them in for legal documents and a home study. 




You will now likely only be getting obsessive, over analyzed, over researched posts on adoption from now on (I might still sprinkle in a few IF topics as I wean from them). We have decided to stop treatments. We do have two embryos left and will reconsider treatments again in a year or two. We still have our WTF appointment this Friday where I'll likely just pay in advance to have our embies stored there and be on my merry way. 


It's bittersweet, really, leaving the IF world behind. Then again, I don't know if I'll ever leave this world. I'll always be part of this silent (but growing louder!) sorority. Whether we have a child or not, I'll always be infertile. I'll always carry this struggle and a heavy heart for those still struggling. 


I was anticipating this decision being much more difficult than it actually was. For the first time in almost 6 months I'm actually happy. I'm actually looking forward to the next steps, I don't dread the next phone call, I don't dread the next appointment, I'm actually optimistic. I know it won't be easy, I know it will be hard, but I also know that I'm seeing a light at the end of this dark and cold tunnel.