Apr 12, 2012

The Great Debate

So we came to the decision to move on to adoption. 

Now what? 

Well, now came the conversations about what type of adoption. 

Did you know that there's more than domestic, international and foster-to-adopt programs? Yea, I didn't either. 

Option 1: Domestic Infant Adoption through an agency

  • Pros - You can adopt a newborn and get as close to the "full" experience as possible.
  • Cons - Expensive, long wait times, risk of birth mother/father changing their minds, you the adoptive parent doesn't get to make the final decisions in the adoption plan (open, semi-open, or closed)

Option 2: Domestic Infant Adoption through a facilitator

  • Pros - Can be fast, can be relatively inexpensive, you can still adopt a newborn
  • Cons - BIG risks of fraud, can also take a long time, you have to put your info out there on the interwebz for all to see (this is the way many facilitation programs now run)

Option 3: Identified Adoption

  • Pros - One of the most inexpensive options, get the newborn experience
  • Cons - It's rare for adoptive parents to "find" their own birth mom without major hitches

Option 4: Foster-to-Adopt or direct adoption via the state 
(these norms will vary from state to state)

  • Pros - Almost free, children are readily available
  • Cons - Risk of child being given back to parents or another relative high, very rare to get children under 5 years old, and did I mention the year long risk of the child being taken back????

Option 5: International Adoption

  • Pros - You could be saving a child's life as well as giving them a loving family, travel experiences, very rarely are there birth parents/family issues
  • Cons - Expensive, more paperwork than "normal" adoptions, have to jump though US hoops as well as the other countries hoops

Right now we're leaning towards option 5. Most of the reason being the first and last pro listed. For Mr.Slick, his fear is the birth parents experience (all the horror stories). We know those instances are rare, but it's something that was really important to him. And for me, the more I thought about it, the first pro listed sold me. These poor kiddos are living in awful conditions in orphanages most of the time and it seriously breaks my heart. 

No, seriously. If you ever want a good cry fest hop on youtube.com and search for videos of overseas orphanages. It will tear you to pieces. 


  1. Please don't refer to international adoption as saving the life of a child. Unless you are adopting a critically ill child who has no options for medical care in their home country this is simply not true.

    I love adoption and I think international adoption is a great way for families to build happy, loving units. But it does not save children's lives. In fact if we, as adoptive parents, truly open our eyes to the realities of the situation we must admit that our own desire for a child creates market pressures that actually CREATE "orphans" in developing countries.

    I speak as both an adoptive parent (I adopted my daughter while working in Tanzania for 5 years) and as someone who has spent a career working on child protection and care issues in the developing world. When you see the videos of orphanages--especially those outside of the former Soviet Union--please remember that many of those kids have living breathing families who love them and who have placed them in "baby homes" in the hopes that their kid will win the lottery and move to the US or Europe. For this reason it's critically important to choose a Hague-compliant agency and to adopt from a country where you don't have high levels of corruption in the adoption process and orphanages sending "recruiters" out to poor villages to convince families to give up their infants (i.e. please, not Ethiopia).

    Good luck with your adoption journey!

  2. Thank you so much for your opinion. As someone who has family members who were adopted internationally I have a different opinion. I think you took my words of saving a child's life more as the hero with the cape on mentality and that is not how I see it.

    I am also very aware that most orphans in the world, whether international or not have biological families that love them and want the best for them. As a potential adoptive parent, it is not my intent to make a child feel otherwise.

    We have also chosen a Hague accredited agency and would never assume to choose otherwise.

    Again, thank you for your input and opinions on the matter to give others insight. And please remember that what I post is my opinion, I am never claiming these things to be fact.

  3. I think it is so awesome that you are going to adopt, Slick. We will be adopting in the future as well, as we will not be having any more children due to very high risk of having more children severe heart defects. We will be adopting from India, from a specific organization ran by a family friend of ours. They are working on opening adoption from that organization to the States. And once they do, we will start that process. Most of the children come from either slave trafficking or sex trafficking, in which case we would be saving their lives, as they do not have families who love them and want whats best for them. They have been sold.

    I think its amazing that you are adopting, and I will continue to keep up with you. You will be an awesome mom, Slick.

    1. Thanks Des! And I think that's awesome that you'll be going that route someday :) I look forward to following that story as well as your current one!