Mar 19, 2013

Always be

When we walked out of that orphanage in November with you in our arms, you didn't speak a word of English. That week and a half we spent with you, cooped up in a hotel? I'm pretty sure we learned more Russian from you than you learned English from us.

Now, you have just three words/phrases that you're holding on to. One of those being your name.

We chose the English/American version of your name, so it wasn't much of a stretch but it's still different. And what you call yourself in your 3rd person toddler speak is actually the nickname of your Russian name. You've answered to the name we gave you since our first official day as a family, but you have never let go of your Russian name.

Until yesterday. You mustered the words, "An-ne-ny's shoes"

I was taken aback. And honestly, I was a little sad. Sad to be losing my little Russian boy. But then later, during dinner, you shot me one of those looks. The type of look that tells an entire story in 2 seconds. A look where I could see that you're a much older soul than your 2 years of earthly age.

There he was. There was my little Russian boy.

Little pieces keep disappearing but it's like your Russian roots are limitless. You may lose little bits here and there, but you'll never lose it all. You'll never reach zero. To me, sweet boy, you'll always be my Antoshka. 

Mar 1, 2013

Dear Lindsay

Today has been, as usual, bittersweet. I miss you. Lots of people miss you, Linds. 

Today I couldn't wait to go get Anthony. Today of all days I needed to hug my baby a little tighter. The woman he stays with for daycare has a glass storm door so he always is looking and waiting for me excitedly. Today he was more excited than normal and wanting more hugs and kisses. 

I think you may have done that. 

I scooped my boy up and we walked out and while asking him about his day he very all the sudden took my face in his hands and turned it, "Mama yook!"  

He wanted me to look at the first and only flower growing in one of her flower beds. I don't know what exactly it was, but it was bright pink. 

I think you may have done that. 

Today I'm trying to be a little more patient, pray a little more, and to appreciate the little things a little more because that brings a little more of you back here to earth. 

Love you and miss you always.