I've been thinking about this for a while. And by a while, I mean about a year now. I just was having trouble really getting my thoughts out but I've been having some nightmares lately and they made me realize my true thoughts on this (I guess that's the silver-lining to my nightmares and sleepless nights, ha).
He's so lucky.
These comments about Little Slick or any adopted child. I hear them said to me and said to other families built through adoption; that the adopted child is lucky.
I get what you mean, I really do. And I don't take offense to it because I understand your sentiment but many people don't understand when I try to deflect and instead point out that we are lucky and that lucky is not what he is.
Luck would have been being born into his forever family. Luck would be birth families never lacking the funds, love, emotional support, etc. to keep their babies with them forever. Luck would be couples who wish to have babies can have them, and those who do not appreciate these gifts would not be given them. That would be luck.
And describing adopted children as lucky implies they should be grateful, that Little Slick should be saying thank you to me for "saving" him. Perhaps he was saved in some sense, but we didn't do this for his gratitude.
When you become a parent, you decide from that moment on to dedicate your life to your child(ren). You do not do so for your children to do that for you. You would die for them, kill for them, you decided this when you decided to parent your child. That's what a parent's love is, unwavering and daunting love.
You owe it to your child to give them everything. No, I don't mean everything they want, but everything they need. Food, shelter, love, support - YOU, the parent must give that to them. They owe you nothing, but if your job is done right (usually) they pay it back to you eventually and someday they might pay it forward to their child/spouse/community.
He is not lucky to have me, I am lucky to have him. I owe him for saving and fixing my broken heart, for showing me true joy, for giving me a chance to pay my love forward.
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So, there you have it, that's my take on the "lucky adopted kid" line that is so frequently thrown around.
I'd love to hear from others about this, so let me have it!
He's so lucky.
These comments about Little Slick or any adopted child. I hear them said to me and said to other families built through adoption; that the adopted child is lucky.
I get what you mean, I really do. And I don't take offense to it because I understand your sentiment but many people don't understand when I try to deflect and instead point out that we are lucky and that lucky is not what he is.
Luck would have been being born into his forever family. Luck would be birth families never lacking the funds, love, emotional support, etc. to keep their babies with them forever. Luck would be couples who wish to have babies can have them, and those who do not appreciate these gifts would not be given them. That would be luck.
And describing adopted children as lucky implies they should be grateful, that Little Slick should be saying thank you to me for "saving" him. Perhaps he was saved in some sense, but we didn't do this for his gratitude.
When you become a parent, you decide from that moment on to dedicate your life to your child(ren). You do not do so for your children to do that for you. You would die for them, kill for them, you decided this when you decided to parent your child. That's what a parent's love is, unwavering and daunting love.
You owe it to your child to give them everything. No, I don't mean everything they want, but everything they need. Food, shelter, love, support - YOU, the parent must give that to them. They owe you nothing, but if your job is done right (usually) they pay it back to you eventually and someday they might pay it forward to their child/spouse/community.
He is not lucky to have me, I am lucky to have him. I owe him for saving and fixing my broken heart, for showing me true joy, for giving me a chance to pay my love forward.
Can we all agree that I'm the lucky one to have this face to greet me every morning?
So, there you have it, that's my take on the "lucky adopted kid" line that is so frequently thrown around.
I'd love to hear from others about this, so let me have it!
Well said, I completely agree and also hate when I hear that line. I am more lucky to have our little guy than he is me. His birth parents are actually still together, great people and not in that bad of circumstances. I don't really feel like we saved him from anything. I never thought that maybe he saved me. Thanks for a new perspective!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! I wish I had been able to articulate myself on this much earlier.
DeleteSuch a beautiful post. I love your little family :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Brooke <3
DeleteYou have a beautiful way of putting things to words! I always love reading your posts. I agree that it's a little bit patronizing when people say that an adopted child is lucky. While it's 100% not the same at all, I've never considered that I saved my dog; I've always felt like I was lucky to have him. I can only imagine that with a child, you feel that times 1,000. I hope that doesn't come off like I'm comparing my dog to your kid. I just mean to say that when you love someone and feel the joy they bring to your life, you feel lucky.
ReplyDeleteBut, for what it's worth, I did tell my best friend's babies that they were lucky to be born to such awesome parents. I meant it, too. Those kids hit the jackpot.