Preparing your children for Adoption Discussions

I wish I could wrap him in a little bubble, protect him from the world. He's already seen the worst of so many adults, I hate to think he might see more bad. I hate to think of the day when he experiences more because he was adopted. 

He's already had some questions and concerning comments said to him, but nothing he couldn't handle and nothing that was meant to be hurtful. But the day will come when his story will be used as ammo against him. 

Kids are mean. 

As a mother to an adopted child, I need to prepare him. Not say that people will say mean things about him and his story, but just fill him with so much pride and joy in his story that he knows no different. I also need to give him gentle re-directions that he can hand out when needed. I know the world is a cruel place, and he already does too. He just doesn't know that his current world is cruel too. 

But it shouldn't just be on me and on other parents who have children with a different story. This is the responsibility of any parent, to teach kindness instead of cruelty. 

I need to change what I said earlier. Kids are mean. No, ADULTS are mean. Where do you think they learn it from? 

Recently we were out to eat at a family restaurant just me and the little guy. He was being precious, smothering me in kisses one minute, charming the server the next, playing quietly one minute with his play-do, and then practicing writing his name on his coloring sheet the next. I'll let all you parents know that this does not always happen, sometimes he's a terror, but he's well behaved more often than not. 

Then this family came in and sat next to us. They looked like a normal family to me and then they started talking. One of their daughters made a different choice than her family. I don't know what the choice was but I could tell it was a trivial choice, like her meal choice for the night and her family thought now would be a good time to make fun of her. I've been there, families give each other hard times, no big deal. 

The mother: "We forgot to tell you that you're so different than the rest of us because you're adopted"

Family: They all laugh

The father: "Yeah, you know how those adopted kids are!"

Family: Laughter again 


Why was this okay? Why is it that calling someone adopted is a dig or a negative thing? And "those adopted kids" - you mean like the wonderful one that was sitting right next to you? 

Lucky for this family, I did not ask them to please watch their conversations due to little "adopted" ears that are close by as the server came to take their orders and they switched to another topic. And even luckier, my little guy wasn't paying even a little bit of attention as he was too wrapped up in his imagination and was building towers with his crayons. 

Parents, don't tell your children they're adopted as a joke. It's not funny. 

Don't give them the impression that adopted means less loved or not normal. Don't let them think that it makes someone bad or different, it just means one thing; they were chosen. 

Children only have bad attitudes about topics such as these when their parents do. And parents only have these bad attitudes when they were taught them. STOP IT. Stop it now. 

This isn't okay. This isn't funny. 



And next time, this Mama Bear will ruin your nice family dinner. 

This picture was found on Google. Click the pic for credits. 

For another thoughtful post about this, visit here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachael-quinn-egan/teach-your-children-about-adoption-before-releasing-them-on-the-playground_b_6061714.html

National Adoption Month!

November is the BEST! It's National Adoption Month! It's also the month we became a forever family, so I might be a little biased :)

What is adoption?

The word adopt has many meanings. From dictionary.com, I found one I like:

adopt – to choose or take as one’s own

And you know what’s funny? This definition wasn’t even talking about adopting a child, this one was talking about adopting an item or new nickname.

When you choose to adopt you choose to forever hold, love, and cherish that child as your own.

Adoption is love.

Adoption is a choice.

Adoption is hard.

Adoption is (most of the time) expensive).

Adoption is a long process.

Adoption is giving children what they deserve; love and support.

Adoption is worth it.

There are also some misconceptions about adoption.

Adoption isn’t temporary.

Adoption isn’t second best. It might not have been a family’s first attempt but it’s never 2^nd best.

Adoption isn’t loving someone less.

Adoption isn’t for everyone (but I wish more people would consider it!).

Are you considering adoption? Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Reach out! I’d love to talk or visit one of these resources below.

http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/adoption/

http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/

And if you need proof of how awesome adoption really is, just check out this awesome little dude. He is definitely worth every single hard part of this process!

I'm so very thankful.

“There is so much loss wrapped up in adoption that it is unfair to ask a child to be thankful.” – Brooke Randolph

Over the last year and a half (almost two!) Little Slick has spoken so very little about Russia and the orphanage. Tonight while tucking him into bed he asked me about the lady with the green car (our facilitator and all those babies guardian angel!) and if she took him to the hospital (yes, she took him after our first trip and he was there for about a month). 

And then he said something I didn't know, he asked if I knew the two "big old ladies" that used to take care of him and the other children. When I said that I only met them once, he said they would sometimes bring all the children candy and everyone would eat it so fast that it was gone before everyone had theirs. He then kissed me and said goodnight.

I'm so thankful those ladies gave my baby a good memory. He deserves the good since he's lost so much. 

And after that I was just a ball of mush and tears. 

I know they'll never read this and I'll never be able to properly thank them, but I hope they know what a difference their care and love made and perhaps still makes if they are still watching those sweet babies. I saw how much he loved them, how his sweet face lit up when it was time for him to go back to them. And I saw how their hard faces softened and they held their hands down to lead him back, oh so gently. 

Thank you for loving him. Thank you for giving this sweet face a smile when you could. 

Wondering

I wonder about you. Do you ever wonder about me? 

I know, without a doubt that you wonder about him, the boy that forever connects us. 



I wonder what you look like, how tall you are. I'm betting you're tall because he is tall. But who knows? Do you also love pickles and cheeseburgers? Are cheeseburgers even a thing in Russia? 

Do you bite your fingernails or is that something he picked up on his own? Does your hair get wild when you sleep too? What about those freckles, where did they come from? 

Did you sing him to sleep? Did you kiss his cheeks a million times a day too? These are the things I want to know, I don't want to know the other things, the things that most people ask me; the things about why I am his forever mama and you are his first mama. 


Some people say things like, "You're his real mom!" and they're right. I am his real mama and I am his forever mama but you were his first mama and you are real too. You hold pieces of him, secrets that I'll never know. But then again, I hold some too. I wish I had all the answers for him, I wish I could give him more. 

I'm saddened for your loss, maybe more than I "should" be, but I don't know how to stop feeling like I do. Someone close to me called this survivor's guilt, and maybe it is a little bit of that. But more so I think it's just my love for him. Because you are part of him and he's part of you. You are part of his story, so I'll always keep you in thoughts and constantly be...




wondering.

Who is really lucky?

I've been thinking about this for a while. And by a while, I mean about a year now. I just was having trouble really getting my thoughts out but I've been having some nightmares lately and they made me realize my true thoughts on this (I guess that's the silver-lining to my nightmares and sleepless nights, ha). 

He's so lucky. 

These comments about Little Slick or any adopted child. I hear them said to me and said to other families built through adoption; that the adopted child is lucky. 

I get what you mean, I really do. And I don't take offense to it because I understand your sentiment but many people don't understand when I try to deflect and instead point out that we are lucky and that lucky is not what he is. 

Luck would have been being born into his forever family. Luck would be birth families never lacking the funds, love, emotional support, etc. to keep their babies with them forever. Luck would be couples who wish to have babies can have them, and those who do not appreciate these gifts would not be given them. That would be luck. 

And describing adopted children as lucky implies they should be grateful, that Little Slick should be saying thank you to me for "saving" him. Perhaps he was saved in some sense, but we didn't do this for his gratitude. 

When you become a parent, you decide from that moment on to dedicate your life to your child(ren). You do not do so for your children to do that for you. You would die for them, kill for them, you decided this when you decided to parent your child. That's what a parent's love is, unwavering and daunting love. 

You owe it to your child to give them everything. No, I don't mean everything they want, but everything they need. Food, shelter, love, support - YOU, the parent must give that to them. They owe you nothing, but if your job is done right (usually) they pay it back to you eventually and someday they might pay it forward to their child/spouse/community. 

He is not lucky to have me, I am lucky to have him. I owe him for saving and fixing my broken heart, for showing me true joy, for giving me a chance to pay my love forward.

Can we all agree that I'm the lucky one to have this face to greet me every morning? 

So, there you have it, that's my take on the "lucky adopted kid" line that is so frequently thrown around. 

I'd love to hear from others about this, so let me have it!

NIAW

It's National Infertility Awareness Week! If we're friends on Facebook, you've likely seen my #NIAW posts (sorry if you're already tired of them - if you are, leave now). 

So, why spread awareness about infertility? 

1 in 8 suffer with infertility. 1 in 8 is someone you know.

What is infertility? 

Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system.  It's recognized as a disease by The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and the World Health Organization (WHO). Approximately 30% of infertility is due to a female factor and 30% is due to a male factor. In the balance of the cases, infertility results from problems in both partners or the cause of the infertility cannot be explained.

What are risk factors for infertility? 

Weight, Age, STD's, Endometriosis (or a family history of this), DES exposure, smoking, drinking, other drug use, and many other things. 

What are the signs and symptoms? 

Having well timed sex for 1 year or more when under the age of 35 (woman age is typically the more "critical" age), or well timed sex for greater than 6 months for someone over 35. This 35 great-divide is due to decreased odds of pregnancy once a woman reaches advanced maternal age (AMA). But for many women their ovaries are "older than they appear" and some late thirties women have "spring chicken" ovaries. 

What should I do if I think I'm infertile? Who should I contact? 

If you've been having well-timed sex for a year, you should schedule a consultation with an infertility specialist, called a reproductive endocrinologist. This is NOT the same thing as an OBGyn (even if they call themselves fertility specialists). They are great at caring for mothers and babies, RE's are great at helping to make mothers and babies. 

Here's a link to a directory of RE's from Resolve: http://www.resolve.org/resources/directory-of-services.html or you can visit www.sart.org for more resources. 

You can also visit my Infertility Basics tab for more info: http://mrs-slick.blogspot.com/p/infertility-basics.html

Terrifyingly Exciting

Okay.

I'm ready to share out loud and start documenting. 

We are hoping to expand our family again. We are talking with our agency again. 

Who knows, maybe Little Slick won't be the Littlest Slick in a year or so!

That's terrifying. And exciting. Mostly exciting. 

And you wanna see something terrifying? I forgot I had this picture and just found it while looking through my phone. This is Mr. Slick and Little Slick standing on the edge of a cliff. My eyes were like this O.O the whole time and I could barely breathe. 

I hope I have more to update on soon, but we're kind of just waiting to see what our options are and we're likely waiting to get serious about this until this summer anyway. 

Yikes, it's been a while!

So, it's spring break which means I get some time with my favorite little boy! 

We had some adventures this week. 

We went to story time at the library. 

We went to the zoo. 

We went shopping where we had an epic meltdown. It was a good one, y'all. People that witnessed it will be telling their families about it, kind of epic. So, sorry Kroger patrons, please remember that little ones sometimes don't get much sleep at night and then don't understand that because of that they NEED a nap. I don't have a picture of that, but I do have a picture of what we did after we got home to wind down...

There's something calming about us building our racetrack, and just setting up the cars to race around. 

Anyways, the real exciting thing is that PAWPAW AND MOOMOO ARE COMING!

My parents are on their way and this little dude is beside himself with excitement. I love how much he loves our parents and I love that he has grandparents to spoil him now! He deserves it. 

While we waited, we went to the park. 

This little dude could swing forever. And ever, and ever. 

I have seriously loved all this time with my boy and as much as I love my job, I don't wanna go back :(