Nov 8, 2014

Preparing your children for Adoption Discussions

I wish I could wrap him in a little bubble, protect him from the world. He's already seen the worst of so many adults, I hate to think he might see more bad. I hate to think of the day when he experiences more because he was adopted. 

He's already had some questions and concerning comments said to him, but nothing he couldn't handle and nothing that was meant to be hurtful. But the day will come when his story will be used as ammo against him. 

Kids are mean. 

As a mother to an adopted child, I need to prepare him. Not say that people will say mean things about him and his story, but just fill him with so much pride and joy in his story that he knows no different. I also need to give him gentle re-directions that he can hand out when needed. I know the world is a cruel place, and he already does too. He just doesn't know that his current world is cruel too. 

But it shouldn't just be on me and on other parents who have children with a different story. This is the responsibility of any parent, to teach kindness instead of cruelty. 

I need to change what I said earlier. Kids are mean. No, ADULTS are mean. Where do you think they learn it from? 

Recently we were out to eat at a family restaurant just me and the little guy. He was being precious, smothering me in kisses one minute, charming the server the next, playing quietly one minute with his play-do, and then practicing writing his name on his coloring sheet the next. I'll let all you parents know that this does not always happen, sometimes he's a terror, but he's well behaved more often than not. 

Then this family came in and sat next to us. They looked like a normal family to me and then they started talking. One of their daughters made a different choice than her family. I don't know what the choice was but I could tell it was a trivial choice, like her meal choice for the night and her family thought now would be a good time to make fun of her. I've been there, families give each other hard times, no big deal. 

The mother: "We forgot to tell you that you're so different than the rest of us because you're adopted"

Family: They all laugh

The father: "Yeah, you know how those adopted kids are!"

Family: Laughter again 

Why was this okay? Why is it that calling someone adopted is a dig or a negative thing? And "those adopted kids" - you mean like the wonderful one that was sitting right next to you? 

Lucky for this family, I did not ask them to please watch their conversations due to little "adopted" ears that are close by as the server came to take their orders and they switched to another topic. And even luckier, my little guy wasn't paying even a little bit of attention as he was too wrapped up in his imagination and was building towers with his crayons. 

Parents, don't tell your children they're adopted as a joke. It's not funny. 

Don't give them the impression that adopted means less loved or not normal. Don't let them think that it makes someone bad or different, it just means one thing; they were chosen. 

Children only have bad attitudes about topics such as these when their parents do. And parents only have these bad attitudes when they were taught them. STOP IT. Stop it now. 

This isn't okay. This isn't funny. 

And next time, this Mama Bear will ruin your nice family dinner. 

This picture was found on Google. Click the pic for credits. 

For another thoughtful post about this, visit here:

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