And then the tears came

Yesterday I did not cry. I couldn't, there were no tears. Around 3 the RE's office called and left a message. I assumed it was my beta results. Mr.Slick and I agreed to listen to the message together. So around 5, we did. 


It was a message asking us to call them back. Well, this is different! They've always just left the bad news on my voice mail. I prefer it that way anyway. 


So, I call back and the nurse isn't available but the receptionist explains that she'll call back soon so they can explain everything to me. I think, you mean there's something to explain??? 


I got the call back within 10 minutes and the nurse explained that my beta was negative. She explained that they ran a blood test checking for hcg, the pregnancy hormone and my level was zero. Thanks for that explanation. Obviously I'm too dense to understand that message through a voice mail. Obviously, by looking at my chart you could see that I've never gotten a negative beta before ::insert sarcasm here:: I know I'm just nitpicking but I wish they had left a message. 


This morning when I woke up the tears came. Well, they were already there - my pillow was soaked. I cried in my sleep, I think. 


I went through all that pain with PIO for nothing. I had to start them giving them to myself in my thigh. After 4 days the pain was excruciating. I was told by a few nurses (not at my RE's office - other nurses) that it's normal to experience a little pain and discomfort when self injecting IM shots. I figured myself to be a big wimp and tried a few more days of it only to experience a rash and swelling of the legs. 


When it got to the point where I could no longer walk, I made Mr.Slick do it. He's deathly afraid of needles but because he loves me, he did it. After 4 or so days the pain started again, but this time up my back and down my legs and the rash started too. This time I demanded that one of these nurses actually look at my hip. She then realized that this was not normal, she actually teared up from looking at it. She had me make a call to the RE's office and they called in a new rx, with the progesterone mixed in a new oil. Turns out I'm allergic to the other one. I could not walk, sit, sleep, drive, ANYTHING for almost two weeks without extreme pain. 


All of that pain would have been worth it. But now I have nothing.