Small update.

So, can we talk about how uncomfortable the mock transfer was? 


O.M.G. The full bladder part was the killer. I mean, really. Effing awful. 


BUT!!!! It was worth it since it means we're one step closer to getting pregnant!


I got my calendar this morning at my appointment. I start Lupron injections tomorrow and will do those until the 9/2 and then I start Follistim+Menopur. 


I'm getting exciiiited. 

Moving on...

So, due to several factors we are moving on to IVF.


 I was a poor responder, even after 25 days of Follistim, Mr.Slick's samples were pretty good (for someone with MFI) but his numbers fluctuate so much that it's kind of a gamble, and I don't have any more accrued time off at work. 


I have 9 days for the next 8 months. And being a teacher, I can't take an hour here or there or take a long lunch. I can take half days or full days. End of story. And even if I just use all half days, that only gives me 18 "days" total. And as I mentioned above, my ovaries are apparently slow and need 20+ days to get the job done. 


I'm scared and nervous and excited. Mostly excited though. I know this is our best shot, I know this makes the most sense, and I know that if we had decided to do another IUI and it failed I would have been constantly asking myself "Why did we not give it our all and do IVF?"


So here we are. Two nervous wrecks about to throw a pretty good chunk of our savings into one basket. I just hope this basket brings lots of eggs. 

Waiting.

Someone once described infertility as waiting at the airport. It was a wonderful analogy, let me see if I can get it right. 

You show up to the airport with your spouse, anxiously and excitedly waiting for your loved one to arrive. You're there waiting with all your friends and family who are also waiting for their special delivery. 

The plane arrives, someone opens the doors and people start to appear in the tunnel. You hold your breath as people trickle out and run into the arms of the ones waiting for them. You see the joy on their faces as they greet the new arrival and they slowly leave. Eventually less and less people are coming down the little hallway and suddenly you realize everyone else is gone. 

An airport worker approaches and explains that maybe your loved one missed their flight and to stick around for the next arrival. The room fills again with people waiting and the same thing happens. You're so hopeful as each person comes out, desperately leaning forward and straining your eyes to see if they came to see you. But again, the plane empties and you are again left alone. 

This time you're told to go home and try coming back another time. Maybe they weren't ready to come home. Maybe they just keep missing their flight. So you pay lots of money to the airlines to make sure this special person is on the next flight. You call and double check the itinerary, triple check it even. You're told they will make this flight so you and your spouse go to the airport again. And you wait. And you wait. And you wait. By this time the people who work in the airport know you by name and even ask you why you even show up. You respond with "How can I not show up? What if this flight is the flight they actually make?" So you're waiting and watching people pick up their loved ones, some of these people you've seen pick up people before. You desperately want to feel the joy of embracing that person you've waited so long for. But again, you're left with no one. 

Defeated, you go home. But you'll be there again tomorrow. Waiting. 

I think infertility is about waiting and eternal, sometimes foolish hope. 

Negative

Beta was negative. I wasn't terribly surprised with all the cramps I've been having the past few days but it still hurts. 

Mr. Slick and I luckily didn't have too much time yesterday to dwell on it as our best friends were in town and kept us busy. We went to lunch, we went to Dick's (haha) to get said friends some Rangers gear and then went to the Ranger's game. It was flucking hot last night at the game but we all survived. It finally cooled down to the double digits by 9:00 or so. I ate a hot dog and had several Dr. Peppers, things I wouldn't have done had my beta's been different. I had disgustingly good ballpark nachos with jalapenos and a funnel cake. My partner in crime and I looked like coke addicts by the time we were done eating it. There is no way to gracefully eat something with powdered sugar while sitting in stadium seats, we discovered. 

Luckily I managed to get an appointment with the RE for Monday to discuss where to go from here as I only have time for 1, maybe 2 cycles this coming school year. Unlucky for us, it's in the office that's about 1.5 hours away from where we live. 

Now to drown my sorrows in caffeinated goodness...