On one lovely spring morning we were at the RE's office after Mr.Slick had been awake for almost 36 hours. He was a wee bit tired. They got us back fairly quickly for my blood work and then straight into the u/s room. However we did have to wait in the u/s room for a while.
I was sitting there, nekkid from the waist down on that thin paper watching my husband fight sleepiness. His cure? He started snooping.
He first started with just the drawers under the bench he was sitting on. Phew, only pads and more of the bright orange paper gown thingies I was covering my lower half with. I thought I was out of danger at that point. Then he stands up and starts pacing, eyeing the wall of cabinets and drawers on the other side of the exam room. And then the sweat starts and my butt cheeks start sticking to the paper. Oh no, he's going to do it.
I begged, pleaded with him not to but there was no stopping him. I was too scared of the doctor coming in catching us both "in the act" and me showing her my full moon so I sat frozen only able to beg him to stop.
He found the lube drawer, the gloves drawer, the towlette drawer, and what he called the torture chamber drawer (speculums). And then he found the condoms. Oh gawd. He took one (don't worry, by this point he already had gloves and a mask on from his previous findings). He then started flying the huuuuge thing across the room like a kite letting it fill with air.
Then we heard her. She was outside our room talking to someone else. I panicked and gave him my best death glare as he frantically ripped the mask and gloves off but he forgot about the condom now sitting next to him on the bench.
She came in and and didn't notice the condom on the bench. As she went to get the dildo cam a condom for our use that day I tried my best to point with my eyebrows and eyes to the condom. He looked at me so confused and then it clicked. Being the super sly person he is he slowly picked it up and put it in my purse. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and wiped the sweat from by brow. ::sigh:: We made it through the rest of that appointment without incident, thank goodness.
The condom lived in my purse for a few weeks too. I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away for some reason.