The K Word

::Gulp::

Y'all, Little Slick is going to kindergarten. 

We went to open house and registered him last week. I was an emotional wreck that day (and night) but held it together while we were there. 

I'm adding this to the things I never thought I'd get to do category. Things I'm grateful to get to do, but man, it was hard! 



He is so excited, pumped to be exact. He tells EVERYONE about his new school and all the new friends he's going to make. And don't even ask him about the new playground he saw, he won't stop talking about it if you ask. So, don't ask! 


How can he be ready when I'm not? Most parents get 5 years to prepare for this, I only got 2. I wanted more time with my baby and now he's a big boy. He's GOING TO KINDERGARTEN! 


I'll just be over here wallowing about my baby growing up so fast. Ignore me. Or bring me chocolate, your choice. 

Preparing your children for Adoption Discussions

I wish I could wrap him in a little bubble, protect him from the world. He's already seen the worst of so many adults, I hate to think he might see more bad. I hate to think of the day when he experiences more because he was adopted. 

He's already had some questions and concerning comments said to him, but nothing he couldn't handle and nothing that was meant to be hurtful. But the day will come when his story will be used as ammo against him. 

Kids are mean. 

As a mother to an adopted child, I need to prepare him. Not say that people will say mean things about him and his story, but just fill him with so much pride and joy in his story that he knows no different. I also need to give him gentle re-directions that he can hand out when needed. I know the world is a cruel place, and he already does too. He just doesn't know that his current world is cruel too. 

But it shouldn't just be on me and on other parents who have children with a different story. This is the responsibility of any parent, to teach kindness instead of cruelty. 

I need to change what I said earlier. Kids are mean. No, ADULTS are mean. Where do you think they learn it from? 

Recently we were out to eat at a family restaurant just me and the little guy. He was being precious, smothering me in kisses one minute, charming the server the next, playing quietly one minute with his play-do, and then practicing writing his name on his coloring sheet the next. I'll let all you parents know that this does not always happen, sometimes he's a terror, but he's well behaved more often than not. 

Then this family came in and sat next to us. They looked like a normal family to me and then they started talking. One of their daughters made a different choice than her family. I don't know what the choice was but I could tell it was a trivial choice, like her meal choice for the night and her family thought now would be a good time to make fun of her. I've been there, families give each other hard times, no big deal. 

The mother: "We forgot to tell you that you're so different than the rest of us because you're adopted"

Family: They all laugh

The father: "Yeah, you know how those adopted kids are!"

Family: Laughter again 


Why was this okay? Why is it that calling someone adopted is a dig or a negative thing? And "those adopted kids" - you mean like the wonderful one that was sitting right next to you? 

Lucky for this family, I did not ask them to please watch their conversations due to little "adopted" ears that are close by as the server came to take their orders and they switched to another topic. And even luckier, my little guy wasn't paying even a little bit of attention as he was too wrapped up in his imagination and was building towers with his crayons. 

Parents, don't tell your children they're adopted as a joke. It's not funny. 

Don't give them the impression that adopted means less loved or not normal. Don't let them think that it makes someone bad or different, it just means one thing; they were chosen. 

Children only have bad attitudes about topics such as these when their parents do. And parents only have these bad attitudes when they were taught them. STOP IT. Stop it now. 

This isn't okay. This isn't funny. 



And next time, this Mama Bear will ruin your nice family dinner. 

This picture was found on Google. Click the pic for credits. 

For another thoughtful post about this, visit here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachael-quinn-egan/teach-your-children-about-adoption-before-releasing-them-on-the-playground_b_6061714.html

National Adoption Month!

November is the BEST! It's National Adoption Month! It's also the month we became a forever family, so I might be a little biased :)

What is adoption?

The word adopt has many meanings. From dictionary.com, I found one I like:

adopt – to choose or take as one’s own

And you know what’s funny? This definition wasn’t even talking about adopting a child, this one was talking about adopting an item or new nickname.

When you choose to adopt you choose to forever hold, love, and cherish that child as your own.

Adoption is love.

Adoption is a choice.

Adoption is hard.

Adoption is (most of the time) expensive).

Adoption is a long process.

Adoption is giving children what they deserve; love and support.

Adoption is worth it.

There are also some misconceptions about adoption.

Adoption isn’t temporary.

Adoption isn’t second best. It might not have been a family’s first attempt but it’s never 2^nd best.

Adoption isn’t loving someone less.

Adoption isn’t for everyone (but I wish more people would consider it!).

Are you considering adoption? Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Reach out! I’d love to talk or visit one of these resources below.

http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/adoption/

http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/

And if you need proof of how awesome adoption really is, just check out this awesome little dude. He is definitely worth every single hard part of this process!

I'm so very thankful.

“There is so much loss wrapped up in adoption that it is unfair to ask a child to be thankful.” – Brooke Randolph

Over the last year and a half (almost two!) Little Slick has spoken so very little about Russia and the orphanage. Tonight while tucking him into bed he asked me about the lady with the green car (our facilitator and all those babies guardian angel!) and if she took him to the hospital (yes, she took him after our first trip and he was there for about a month). 

And then he said something I didn't know, he asked if I knew the two "big old ladies" that used to take care of him and the other children. When I said that I only met them once, he said they would sometimes bring all the children candy and everyone would eat it so fast that it was gone before everyone had theirs. He then kissed me and said goodnight.

I'm so thankful those ladies gave my baby a good memory. He deserves the good since he's lost so much. 

And after that I was just a ball of mush and tears. 

I know they'll never read this and I'll never be able to properly thank them, but I hope they know what a difference their care and love made and perhaps still makes if they are still watching those sweet babies. I saw how much he loved them, how his sweet face lit up when it was time for him to go back to them. And I saw how their hard faces softened and they held their hands down to lead him back, oh so gently. 

Thank you for loving him. Thank you for giving this sweet face a smile when you could. 

Wondering

I wonder about you. Do you ever wonder about me? 

I know, without a doubt that you wonder about him, the boy that forever connects us. 



I wonder what you look like, how tall you are. I'm betting you're tall because he is tall. But who knows? Do you also love pickles and cheeseburgers? Are cheeseburgers even a thing in Russia? 

Do you bite your fingernails or is that something he picked up on his own? Does your hair get wild when you sleep too? What about those freckles, where did they come from? 

Did you sing him to sleep? Did you kiss his cheeks a million times a day too? These are the things I want to know, I don't want to know the other things, the things that most people ask me; the things about why I am his forever mama and you are his first mama. 


Some people say things like, "You're his real mom!" and they're right. I am his real mama and I am his forever mama but you were his first mama and you are real too. You hold pieces of him, secrets that I'll never know. But then again, I hold some too. I wish I had all the answers for him, I wish I could give him more. 

I'm saddened for your loss, maybe more than I "should" be, but I don't know how to stop feeling like I do. Someone close to me called this survivor's guilt, and maybe it is a little bit of that. But more so I think it's just my love for him. Because you are part of him and he's part of you. You are part of his story, so I'll always keep you in thoughts and constantly be...




wondering.

Who is really lucky?

I've been thinking about this for a while. And by a while, I mean about a year now. I just was having trouble really getting my thoughts out but I've been having some nightmares lately and they made me realize my true thoughts on this (I guess that's the silver-lining to my nightmares and sleepless nights, ha). 

He's so lucky. 

These comments about Little Slick or any adopted child. I hear them said to me and said to other families built through adoption; that the adopted child is lucky. 

I get what you mean, I really do. And I don't take offense to it because I understand your sentiment but many people don't understand when I try to deflect and instead point out that we are lucky and that lucky is not what he is. 

Luck would have been being born into his forever family. Luck would be birth families never lacking the funds, love, emotional support, etc. to keep their babies with them forever. Luck would be couples who wish to have babies can have them, and those who do not appreciate these gifts would not be given them. That would be luck. 

And describing adopted children as lucky implies they should be grateful, that Little Slick should be saying thank you to me for "saving" him. Perhaps he was saved in some sense, but we didn't do this for his gratitude. 

When you become a parent, you decide from that moment on to dedicate your life to your child(ren). You do not do so for your children to do that for you. You would die for them, kill for them, you decided this when you decided to parent your child. That's what a parent's love is, unwavering and daunting love. 

You owe it to your child to give them everything. No, I don't mean everything they want, but everything they need. Food, shelter, love, support - YOU, the parent must give that to them. They owe you nothing, but if your job is done right (usually) they pay it back to you eventually and someday they might pay it forward to their child/spouse/community. 

He is not lucky to have me, I am lucky to have him. I owe him for saving and fixing my broken heart, for showing me true joy, for giving me a chance to pay my love forward.

Can we all agree that I'm the lucky one to have this face to greet me every morning? 

So, there you have it, that's my take on the "lucky adopted kid" line that is so frequently thrown around. 

I'd love to hear from others about this, so let me have it!

NIAW

It's National Infertility Awareness Week! If we're friends on Facebook, you've likely seen my #NIAW posts (sorry if you're already tired of them - if you are, leave now). 

So, why spread awareness about infertility? 

1 in 8 suffer with infertility. 1 in 8 is someone you know.

What is infertility? 

Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system.  It's recognized as a disease by The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) and the World Health Organization (WHO). Approximately 30% of infertility is due to a female factor and 30% is due to a male factor. In the balance of the cases, infertility results from problems in both partners or the cause of the infertility cannot be explained.

What are risk factors for infertility? 

Weight, Age, STD's, Endometriosis (or a family history of this), DES exposure, smoking, drinking, other drug use, and many other things. 

What are the signs and symptoms? 

Having well timed sex for 1 year or more when under the age of 35 (woman age is typically the more "critical" age), or well timed sex for greater than 6 months for someone over 35. This 35 great-divide is due to decreased odds of pregnancy once a woman reaches advanced maternal age (AMA). But for many women their ovaries are "older than they appear" and some late thirties women have "spring chicken" ovaries. 

What should I do if I think I'm infertile? Who should I contact? 

If you've been having well-timed sex for a year, you should schedule a consultation with an infertility specialist, called a reproductive endocrinologist. This is NOT the same thing as an OBGyn (even if they call themselves fertility specialists). They are great at caring for mothers and babies, RE's are great at helping to make mothers and babies. 

Here's a link to a directory of RE's from Resolve: http://www.resolve.org/resources/directory-of-services.html or you can visit www.sart.org for more resources. 

You can also visit my Infertility Basics tab for more info: http://mrs-slick.blogspot.com/p/infertility-basics.html

Terrifyingly Exciting

Okay.

I'm ready to share out loud and start documenting. 

We are hoping to expand our family again. We are talking with our agency again. 

Who knows, maybe Little Slick won't be the Littlest Slick in a year or so!

That's terrifying. And exciting. Mostly exciting. 

And you wanna see something terrifying? I forgot I had this picture and just found it while looking through my phone. This is Mr. Slick and Little Slick standing on the edge of a cliff. My eyes were like this O.O the whole time and I could barely breathe. 

I hope I have more to update on soon, but we're kind of just waiting to see what our options are and we're likely waiting to get serious about this until this summer anyway. 

Yikes, it's been a while!

So, it's spring break which means I get some time with my favorite little boy! 

We had some adventures this week. 

We went to story time at the library. 

We went to the zoo. 

We went shopping where we had an epic meltdown. It was a good one, y'all. People that witnessed it will be telling their families about it, kind of epic. So, sorry Kroger patrons, please remember that little ones sometimes don't get much sleep at night and then don't understand that because of that they NEED a nap. I don't have a picture of that, but I do have a picture of what we did after we got home to wind down...

There's something calming about us building our racetrack, and just setting up the cars to race around. 

Anyways, the real exciting thing is that PAWPAW AND MOOMOO ARE COMING!

My parents are on their way and this little dude is beside himself with excitement. I love how much he loves our parents and I love that he has grandparents to spoil him now! He deserves it. 

While we waited, we went to the park. 

This little dude could swing forever. And ever, and ever. 

I have seriously loved all this time with my boy and as much as I love my job, I don't wanna go back :(

Our 2nd Christmas, first real one!

Last Christmas was our first one but it wasn't a real Christmas. We were still kind of secluded and bonding with each other, so we didn't do anything really, with our families. And Little Slick didn't really understand. 

Well, he got it this year. We went to see Santa, we read books about the real meaning of Christmas, he asked questions about baby Jesus, he excitedly said his night-night prayers (and snuck in some of these gems: "Dear God and Jesus, please tell Santa I want a giant excuvator" or "Please tell Santa I was good and that I love big excuvators")

And then something magical was found on woot.com and this was waiting for the little boy on Christmas morning. 

Yes, that's a giant, ride-on bulldozer with excuvator. 

And this was the result Christmas morning. 

It's not very often that you get to witness pure joy. Our little boy was SO proud, so in-love, so joyful. 

He now loves digging in our yard and flower beds, he loves telling people about this, he just loves it. 

In just a year...

Little Slick has mastered a new language.

He has grown almost 7 inches.

He has gained almost 15 pounds (and he's still skinny!)

He has stopped hoarding food and his toys. 

He has learned to (mostly) sleep through the night.

He now LOVES ice cream. We seriously thought he would never like cold things. 

He can walk into the pediatrician's office and not immediately cry. I mean, he does still make the window's shake from his screams when he gets his shots, but that's getting better. And as soon as they're done, he goes, "Ok, can I have a sucker and sticker?"

He LOVES the water - bath and swimming. 

He has learned to love snuggles and affection. 

He has learned to be wary of strangers. 

He has learned that we're forever, this family is forever, this is the real deal kid! 

I can't believe how far we've come in a year!

ABC's and 123's

Big news 'round these parts, y'all. Little Slick is in school. He's in preschool. 

::cue tears::

Two weeks ago, we went shopping. We went shopping for a back pack, lunch box, thermos, the works. As we were looking through all the backpack options, I had to work hard to fight back tears. 

1. My baby is going to preschool!
2. There was a time I never thought I'd get to experience these things, these things many forget are so precious. 
3. He was ready. 

When we brought him home I insisted on a daycare option that looked nothing like an orphanage. No large centers, no preschool type settings. I wanted warm and cozy in a house. I didn't want him to feel like I was taking him to another orphanage. He knows was true abandonment feels like, even if it just lasted that first day, I didn't want him to ever think I was leaving him like he had already been left. 

Around March of this year I contacted a few places to put him on the wait lists. I knew it could take a long time for a spot to open up, especially since many of these places have had these children on their lists since their mother's found out they were pregnant. Much to my surprise, I received notification that there was a spot! And that spot was opening up on 10/29. 

We got everything ready and I even took the day off from work so I could be the one to do drop off/pick up on his first day instead of our daycare provider. The night before I packed his lunch and he helped me write his name on his lunchbox and backpack. I successfully held in all tears that night. 

The morning of, we drove to his new school and we talked about making good choices and listening to directions from our teachers and about all the new friends he was going to meet. He was so excited. We got there early so we could meet his teachers and he could check things out a little before everyone else got there. As we walked down the long hallway, I could feel the pip in his step but could also feel how tightly he held my hand. 

His teachers are amazing and were very understanding when I explained, without too much detail, how he panics when he's hungry sometimes and he will sometimes hide food - just a few residual orphanage behaviors. They kindly told me that they'd make sure to be on the lookout for any signs of this and wrote down a few things I was saying. Being a teacher, I hated being that parent, but I've learned that there's nothing wrong with being that parent from time to time. 

We saw his hook for his backpack and his cubby for his lunch and then it was time to go down to the cafeteria where all the kids gather in the morning. We walked back down the long hallway, his teachers asking him questions and him excitedly answering, but he still clung tightly to my hand. 

They showed him where he was to sit when he arrived and he obediently sat down. 

I knew he would. I knew he would remember this type of order and rules. 

The other children started coming in and I went to give him a hug. He smiled so big, so proud, and gave me a big hug. But when I said I was going he asked, "But why don't you stay, Mama? Please?" 

"I have to go but you can stay and play with your new friends all day and have fun with your new teachers!"

"Ok Mama. Will you pick me up later?"

"Yes malyutka, I'll be here later."

With another smile and hug from him I knew it was time for me to go. He was ready. 

And I then took the 1st day of preschool walk of shame - the one where the Mama walks back to her car and doesn't even try to fight back her tears. 

This awkward moment brought to you by the letter B.

B as in bathroom. 

Not too long ago Little Slick and I were on the way to visit some family across state. Mr. Slick couldn't come so the little dude and I were on our own for a 5-ish hour car ride. 

As you can guess, we had a few bathroom stops. Two were false alarms, three were real. This awkward moment happened on the second false alarm stop. 

We were at a busy stop between our destinations that typically has clean restrooms (I will go out of my way and wait longer than necessary for clean places) and another mom was there waiting with her little one. This little girl was about Little Slick's height, maybe a little shorter, and they were being goofy together. 

The mom and I then exchanged polite smiles and we asked each other how old our kids were. Her's was 5 so I asked the little girl if she was in kindergarten and if she liked to read (in case you're wondering the answer to both of those is yes). And then the other mom asked how old Little Slick was and she was shocked when I said 3. 

"Oh wow! He's a tall thing, isn't he?"

"He is pretty tall."

"I thought he must be older"

::door to bathroom opens and it's our turn to go in but other mom squeezed in one last question::

"Is his daddy tall?"

And here's where I made it awkward. 





Without thinking, I responded, "I don't know, maybe!" and then smiled and closed the door. 

It was about 30 seconds in, while pleading with Little Slick to pee because he HAD TO GO RIGHT NOWWWWWW, that I realized what I said and how it must have sounded. We walked out after an unsuccessful potty attempt and I just gave a sheepish smile. There wasn't really any recovering from that moment so we just booked it outta there as fast as possible. 


So, to the random woman and child waiting in line with us that day, please know that I have a different reason than you probably think for not knowing specifics. And please know that it wasn't me or Little Slick who made the bathroom smell like that in there either. 

Kindly, 
Mrs. Slick

Still a little bit of sadness

My heart is breaking for my little boy tonight. 

Most nights at night-night time, we do stories. Sometimes for these stories we tell his story, our coming home story, where our two stories met, etc. Most nights he smiles and giggles as we tell about silly things we remember. Sometimes he barely pays attention as we talk about he grew in another mommy's tummy and lived with her and then later with lots of other children. 

We sometimes look at pictures or videos of our time in Russia and he happily flips through telling us what he was doing. 

And then there are nights like tonight. Nights that when he crawls into bed he's sad. 

"Where is her, Mama?"

"Where is who, baby?"

"Where is her? My other mamas, my other babushkas? My kids too? My tummy cold and sad over there, Mama."



It's night's like tonight that remind me a little too much of where he was before us. He still grieves the loss of his other mama's, the women who cared for him in the orphanage and the children he was being raised with there. He remembers being hungry and all those feelings. 

So, we talk about his other mama's and babushka's and tonight he wanted me to know one of his babushkas had black hair and she gave him candy. I'll never get to thank her for giving him good memories. Whenever he has sad nights like this, we talk about whatever it is, I don't mind. I love hearing what his little mind remembers and when he twists his memories into something more(apparently once he built a snowman with his babushka and Mr. Slick and I were apparently there too, lol). I want him to talk about it, I want him to know it's okay to talk about it. I want him to know it's okay to be sad about it. 

I'm sometimes not grateful for all I have, but my boy reminds me of the wonderful things I have, starting with him. I hate it when he's sad but I am grateful he even has some of these smidgens of memories. His sadness is part of his story but it's not who he is, not anymore.  

I'm about to get up on my high horse, y'all.

Pretty much everyone we meet or know has an adoption story of sorts. 

"Oh my sister's best friend was adopted!"

"Oh, my 3rd grade teacher adopted her son!"

"My next door neighbor's brother-in-law's best friend's wife was adopted!"

Ok, I may have stretched that last one but I have heard things similar. But those kind of things don't bother me. I actually love them. It reminds me and those saying it that adoption isn't super uncommon, that it isn't taboo to talk about, that it's a normal way to build a family. 

But what bothers me are all the negative stories. These stories seem to run rampant through media outlets, while the thousands and thousands of good adoption stories for each of those bad, goes unnoticed and gets no spotlight. 

I recently saw a report about international adoption disruptions. And the story was sickening. It made me literally sick to think of the poor girl at the center of that story. The one who thought she had found her forever family, only for them to realize too late that they were not well equipped to care for her. They gave her away to another couple, without involving their agency or social workers, by just drawing up paperwork and them signing it and dropping her off. They dropped her off with criminals, people who would already hurt a damaged heart. 

This story makes me so angry because it makes it sound like these "parents" had no other option, like they had tried everything. It almost painted them as victims. There was one victim in that story and it sure wasn't them. 

But they had options, much better options. Do disruptions happen? Yes. They're obviously not ideal and they are incredibly few and far between, but they happen. However, there are ways to ensure that these children go to their true forever homes. Placing agencies would be more than willing to help counsel families, provide resources, and if truly needed, help find the child's true forever family. 

Disruptions can happen for many reasons. The family may not have been truly ready to adopt. They may have misunderstood the magnitude of their child's special needs (any IA can and should be considered a special needs situation while emotional wounds heal), their agency may not have been forthcoming in the child's true needs (this is rare), or other reasons. Whatever the reason, a family shouldn't consider a disruption until they have exhausted all resources. And even if their placing agency isn't willing to help, ANY agency/social worker could be contacted and help be provided some way or another. 

Parenthood isn't easy on anyone. Everyone has their trying times with it. Some people have the delusion that when they bring this child home, that all their hurt will melt away, that they will be better instantly and that's not the case. It takes time to build trust, it takes trust to build love, and it takes love to build your family. Give it time. Bond with your new baby, even if that baby is 3 or 13. He deserves parents who will go all in and be the parents he deserves. 


If you're having a hard time with your (adopted) child, talk to your social worker, email the help desk at your agency, ask for contact information from other families who have been through similar situations (I can almost guarantee you aren't the first and won't be the last family in that situation your agency has seen), and if none of them help, keep looking!  

Rite of passage

Today I got to experience what is a normal rite of passage for new mothers.



Little Slick had surgery today. Well, two small surgeries. They were very minor and planned but that didn't help my worrying mind.

We woke up at 4:15 after next to no sleep for me and Mr.Slick since nerves got the best of us. We got to the hospital around 5:30 and after some waiting and signing of forms we were in a room with our little guy.

He charmed all the nurses instantly and was having a ball hiding under his blanket and playing with whoever was close enough. And let me tell you, it is hard to keep a three year old little boy, who doesn't sit still, from flashing everyone his little booty when only in a hospital gown! I'm pretty sure all of pre-op saw a full moon!

And then it was time for him to be wheeled back. He was having a blast while the anesthesiologist and nurse wheeled him fast and crazy down the hall yelling "choo choo!" and "vroom vroooom!" but when he had to let go of my hand and say bye-bye to me, he suddenly realized he was going in there, without me,  without his papa, and that this was serious. He cried and clung to me. I instantly teared up too but kissed my sweet boy and told him "After while, crocodile!" I pried my hands from his, gave him another kiss on the forehead and whispered that I loved him as they wheeled him off. He looked back and told me he loved me too and they closed the doors.

I'm sure the nurses see it a lot, but they all looked at me with sympathy and a few offered me tissues as I walked back down that long hallway towards where we had to leave Mr.Slick. The pre-op nurse even teared up a little when she saw me.

We then went back into the waiting room, I guzzled two cups of coffee and after only about 45 minutes our buzzer went off and we were whisked into a consult room to speak with surgeon number 1, since his surgery was done. And much to our relief, all went well. It was only about another 30 minutes before the second surgery was done and only about 15 minutes later until we were able to see our boy.

He was super sleepy but happy to see us. The nurses said he refused to fall back asleep until we were back there :( We stayed in recovery for about 2 hours until he was finally awake enough for them to take out his IV and send us home.

It was then, I got to experience something I never thought I would get, something I never knew I wanted, something that I wish had happened under different circumstances, but something that was very special for me.



I was wheeled out to my waiting husband with my sleepy baby in my arms, ready to take him home. It's hard to imagine how much just that simple wheel chair ride can impact you but I was taking my baby home. My baby who is 3 years old and who recently broke the 30 pound threshold. My big boy who will always be my baby.

Things I wish someone had told me about adopting a toddler/preschooler...

We have received tremendous support along the way, bringing Little Slick home. 

We received excellent assistance on paperwork, attachment and bonding (by far the most important thing!), social norms for where we were travelling, travel tips with a little one, ways to help Little Slick learn English, and many other things. 

But I still felt, like many parents, grossly under-prepared. 

There are newborn care classes at almost every hospital, where parents-to-be learn how to feed, bathe, soothe, life-saving techniques, safety measures, etc. 

When adopting an older child, you're just kind of thrown in the trenches. 

Yes, toddlers and preschoolers require less "gear" than newborns but they still have needs. Many couples adopting "older" children are not thrown showers or given gifts (not that it's required or necessarily expected - it's just the norm for pregnant parents to receive these things) and if they are thrown showers/given gifts, it's usually toys. 

Here's a list of things you'll need:

• Convertible car seat or booster seat - Check out this site for more details: http://www.seatcheck.org
• Did you know you can (and if possible SHOULD) bring this with you when you bring your little one home. Yes, even on the plane!
• Don't ever buy a used seat or let a kind-hearted soul give you an old one either. Just don't. 
• Toddler bed (maybe still a crib) or something for them to sleep on
• Seems like a no-brainer but still needs to be said! 
• Look into something that will last a few years or something that will last for another little one down the road.
• If you're unsure what your new arrival is interested in, get basic sheets/bedding until they're settled and then let them go with you to pick out their new bedding!
• Mattress pad/pee protectors - even if potty trained already, many children regress or just have accidents. 
• Go ahead and have grandma make that baby blanket she's been itching to make. Even though it's not something you'll swaddle your new little one in, it's something they'll love to snuggle. 
• Booster seat for the dinner table
• You may want placemats too. I'm afraid my table may never recover from our first spaghetti and meatballs experience.
• Bibs! Little Slick still gets put in one with some meals...like spaghetti.
• Plates/Silverware/Cups
• Little ones are unsteady and have small hands - accommodate them with things their size!
• Even at 3 years old, we'll likely be using sippy cups for a while. Get a few brands/kinds to see what you like. 
• And with these sippy cups/small things you'll still want a bottle brush to help clean them!
• You may want a few bottles to help some of the little ones learn to suck and a bottle a night is great for bonding. 
• Clothes/Shoes
• If you're unsure of sizes, go to a local consignment store and buy up and down the size you think before you make commitments with anything pricey.
• And along those lines, kids are messy - there's no shame in most of their wardrobe coming from places like this! Day to day clothes are mainly hand-me-down's or from consignments and going out/church clothes are what we pay the "big bucks" for.
• Carrier/Stroller
• I'd strongly suggest a carrier of some sort if your child is 30 pounds or under (can also do them with larger children but 30 sounded like a good mental cut-off to me). They're great for bonding and it makes maneuvering through airports/new places much easier. We have a mei-tai and it's AWESOME. Other carriers that people seem to love are Ergo's, Beco's, and Ring-Sling's. 
• A stroller could be useful in an airport and for future family outings. They're still little, with little legs. Those 4 hours you have planned at the zoo? You'll end up carrying them eventually if you don't have something to put them in!
• First aid
• You can pick up a pre-made kit or make one yourself! We made one with fun colors and band-aids. We made our main one and then mini ones for each vehicle and for on the go. 
• Ice packs for little boo-boo's
• Go ahead and have a started kit of medicines
• Tylenol
• Motrin 
• Sunscreen - visit http://safemama.com/cheatsheets/sunscreen/ for some good recommendations
• Thermometer
• Topical cream for bites
• Boogie Wipes! You'll thank me later
• Toothpaste (flouride free!) and a toothbrush - not really medicine but you get the picture
• Diaper bag
• It doesn't have to be a diaper bag but you'll want something you can pack extra clothes, gear, and it will get spilled on/in and sticky. Diaper bags are great because they're made to sustain toddler abuse and spills. 
• Child proofing things
• You may have already child-proofed for your home-study but if you haven't, plan on it! Even when they speak English and understand you, they'll still try to play in the formal dining room with your great-grandmother's china from 1917 - even if you're constantly watching them. 
• Potty seat!
• We have the one that sits ON the actual toilet and a little potty
• Some people hate the idea of his little separate potty but when you're busy making dinner, letting the dog out, on the potty yourself, etc. and cannot go help, it's nice to have something little enough for them to go to that they can manage alone. Even with a stool, Little Slick is still kind of unstable getting on/off the seat alone that's on the big potty.
• Oh, don't forget that stool! You'll need it outside of the bathroom as well!
• If not potty-trained - you'll need diapers/pull ups!
• Toys
• Start small, especially if you don't know what they're actually interested in. 
• Mega-blok type toys seem to be a hit with most kids
• Stuffed animals - bonus if one looks like your pets or if they go along with a book
• Books - the cardboard ones are amazing, still not kid proof completely, but much better than thin paper (RIP The Hungry Caterpillar :sniffle:)
• AND reading to your kiddo(s) is great for language acquisition and for future reading fluency :)
• Play food/cooking materials
• Balls - seems simple, but kids love them!
• Bath toys!
• Don't forget that baby shampoo! We love Aveeno for our sensitive skin little one. 
• Outside toys 
• Tricycle - don't forget the helmet! If you make the helmet a habit early, it will be less of a fight later on :)
• Sidewalk chalk
• Beach toys are useful anytime! We build dirt/mulch castles and dig all the time
• More balls! Big, little, doesn't matter
• Toys/books/entertainment for traveling or in the car
• Most parents let their kids watch TV, whether planning or not. If you're able to hold strong and not, more power to you. If you're like the rest of us, you'll likely let your newest addition watch a little, here and there. Go ahead and load up on some of YOUR childhood favorites or ones that you don't mind watching. I cannot tell you how many times I've realized that I'm still watching the show only to realize I put Little Slick down for his nap an hour ago. And little ones have little attention spans...but will quickly meltdown if you change from that show (that they were paying no attention to!)
• Storage for all toys. And buy storage with room to spare as you'll collect more and more as you go!
• Food - fact of the matter you may be plagued with a picky eater or a child who has figured out the one way they can have control is by controlling what they swallow
• Goldfish - still haven't met a kid who didn't like them
• Organic fruit pouches - fruit and veggies in them? I'm in. 
• Fresh fruit 
• When you buy bananas buy all levels of ripeness so they'll last longer
• Many children coming from orphanage settings are used to something similar to oatmeal - you can do the packs or make your own packs! I use this recipe: http://www.stockpilingmoms.com/2012/09/homemade-instant-oatmeal-packets/#_a5y_p=611792
• Fresh veggies (like broccoli, carrots, etc)
• Little Slick has never refused rice in any form or fashion. I think it's a texture thing. 
• You'll also need containers for all this or you'll be burning through ziplock bags super fast!
• You'll likely want to be conservative at first with high allergen foods, just like with a newborn, especially if there is any sort of communication barrier. 

General hints: 

• Just survive the first few weeks at home. After that you can start to "hit it hard" with your routine.
• If they don't bathe everyday, it's ok. Babywipes can do wonders. I don't even know if I've mentioned it before but Little Slick had severe water trauma when we brought him home and we just did wipe downs for a few weeks (yep, I said weeks!) until he trusted us enough to bathe him. 
• Don't worry if they will only eat apple slices one day. At least it's healthy, right??? No, but seriously, it's ok. Try again at the next meal, or try again tomorrow. If it becomes frequent, then call your pediatrician. 
• On that note, if adopting internationally, don't be surprised if you have trouble finding a pediatrician willing to meet with you before you bring your little one home. Pregnant women are given consultation type appointments where they can meet the doctor/staff - you likely won't be given that privilege. Ask around for recommendations. 
• Also be prepared to answer "unknown" on half of those new patient forms. 
• It's ok if they sleep with you. It's great for bonding. Do whatever you're comfortable with. Little Slick sleeps in his bed, in our room. We love it. 
• Your little one may not be used to being alone at night, may have nightmares, may just worry it's all a dream and you won't be there when they open their eyes. It helps when you're close by every time they open their eyes. Then you transition them when you're all ready. 
• Buy books/toys that encourage them to interact with you
• If they attach to a lovey/stuffed animal/blanket - buy a back up!
• Even if they've never seen one before, they'll learn how to unlock your smart phone within 12.5 seconds of seeing it. Be prepared. And if you're super smart, you'll lay ground rules immediately on touching/not touching it. Go ahead and apply those rules to your laptop and the remote control. 
• No, they're not a newborn but you will end up with bodily fluids on you within the first 6 weeks. 
• Bring another adult with you on your first outing. Especially if your first outing is the grocery store and your child is from an environment where they never had enough food - the grocery store is a very overwhelming place. You may need back-up. 
• Park close to the cart return at grocery stores - makes it a LOT easier. 
• And make a "touch the car" rule of sorts for when loading/unloading so they know not to wander. It literally only takes a second for a child to step away and a car to zoom by. 
• You don't have to share them (ok, you do with your spouse!). But seriously, tell grandma to back off. This new baby needs to learn that YOU are the Mama, they need to learn that YOU are their parent. They need to learn what a parent is. You give them food, you give them love, you give them everything they need (whether they need your help or not) for the first few months. Then slowly let grandma handle snack time, nap time, etc. You have to build that trust. 
• Teach them from day 1 how to properly interact with pets!
• Once they let you in, once they are receptive of your affection, never stop! Smother (ok, maybe smother is a strong word) them with kisses and hugs. They may have missed out on this prior to you. 
• And don't ever be afraid to contact your agency for help with anything. 

Have some other hints? Let me know and I'll add them :)

Exactly one year ago today...

Exactly one year ago today we were making dinner. I was preparing the vegetables to be grilled and Mr.Slick was preparing the chicken. 

The day before our paperwork had been received by our agency. The day before our consultant with the agency reminded us that every time she was calling, it wasn't any cause for concern or excitement necessarily. 

Well, the phone rang. It was our agency. 

I put it on speaker so Mr.Slick and I could hear what was up. We figured they went though our paperwork and they needed something else. 

But she said something else...

She said, "Well, I have some unexpected news. There's a little boy that I want to talk to you about. Do you want to see pictures?"

We got THE call. THE CALL!

While we dropped everything and were frantically trying to wipe away traces of dinner while simultaneously booting up the computer, she started reading off some information about him. She told us some good info and then said, "And his date of birth is June 26, 2010, so today is his 2nd birthday!"

We got THE call on his birthday!

She gave us more information and then said, "The email has been sent. Call me back after you've looked over the information and pictures."

And then we opened the pictures and saw the sweetest face we've ever seen. We saw Little Slick. We saw our son. 



You're told not to fall in love, not to get attached, but I just don't know how that's possible. 


We called my parents first and told them the news and then forwarded them a few pictures. And then because we live close to Mr.Slick's family, we made an excuse to go over there under the guise of printing off more paperwork. We even got Mr.Slick's sister in on the act. While we were there, her family made a "surprise visit" over. We got the email pulled up, acted like we were calm and just printing, and then asked his parents if they wanted to see something. If they wanted to see who would possibly become their grandson. It took a few seconds but then the tears and hugs came. Tears years in the making. Tears we had all been waiting to shed. For the first time, we had happy tears in our family growing journey. 

Happy birthday, baby. We celebrated your birthday in big ways that day, even though we were across the world and you had no clue. And I've loved celebrating with you today. 





And for anyone wondering: we completely forgot about dinner that night and had to throw it all out hours later when we finally got home.