Rite of passage

Today I got to experience what is a normal rite of passage for new mothers.



Little Slick had surgery today. Well, two small surgeries. They were very minor and planned but that didn't help my worrying mind.

We woke up at 4:15 after next to no sleep for me and Mr.Slick since nerves got the best of us. We got to the hospital around 5:30 and after some waiting and signing of forms we were in a room with our little guy.

He charmed all the nurses instantly and was having a ball hiding under his blanket and playing with whoever was close enough. And let me tell you, it is hard to keep a three year old little boy, who doesn't sit still, from flashing everyone his little booty when only in a hospital gown! I'm pretty sure all of pre-op saw a full moon!

And then it was time for him to be wheeled back. He was having a blast while the anesthesiologist and nurse wheeled him fast and crazy down the hall yelling "choo choo!" and "vroom vroooom!" but when he had to let go of my hand and say bye-bye to me, he suddenly realized he was going in there, without me,  without his papa, and that this was serious. He cried and clung to me. I instantly teared up too but kissed my sweet boy and told him "After while, crocodile!" I pried my hands from his, gave him another kiss on the forehead and whispered that I loved him as they wheeled him off. He looked back and told me he loved me too and they closed the doors.

I'm sure the nurses see it a lot, but they all looked at me with sympathy and a few offered me tissues as I walked back down that long hallway towards where we had to leave Mr.Slick. The pre-op nurse even teared up a little when she saw me.

We then went back into the waiting room, I guzzled two cups of coffee and after only about 45 minutes our buzzer went off and we were whisked into a consult room to speak with surgeon number 1, since his surgery was done. And much to our relief, all went well. It was only about another 30 minutes before the second surgery was done and only about 15 minutes later until we were able to see our boy.

He was super sleepy but happy to see us. The nurses said he refused to fall back asleep until we were back there :( We stayed in recovery for about 2 hours until he was finally awake enough for them to take out his IV and send us home.

It was then, I got to experience something I never thought I would get, something I never knew I wanted, something that I wish had happened under different circumstances, but something that was very special for me.



I was wheeled out to my waiting husband with my sleepy baby in my arms, ready to take him home. It's hard to imagine how much just that simple wheel chair ride can impact you but I was taking my baby home. My baby who is 3 years old and who recently broke the 30 pound threshold. My big boy who will always be my baby.

Things I wish someone had told me about adopting a toddler/preschooler...

We have received tremendous support along the way, bringing Little Slick home. 

We received excellent assistance on paperwork, attachment and bonding (by far the most important thing!), social norms for where we were travelling, travel tips with a little one, ways to help Little Slick learn English, and many other things. 

But I still felt, like many parents, grossly under-prepared. 

There are newborn care classes at almost every hospital, where parents-to-be learn how to feed, bathe, soothe, life-saving techniques, safety measures, etc. 

When adopting an older child, you're just kind of thrown in the trenches. 

Yes, toddlers and preschoolers require less "gear" than newborns but they still have needs. Many couples adopting "older" children are not thrown showers or given gifts (not that it's required or necessarily expected - it's just the norm for pregnant parents to receive these things) and if they are thrown showers/given gifts, it's usually toys. 

Here's a list of things you'll need:

• Convertible car seat or booster seat - Check out this site for more details: http://www.seatcheck.org
• Did you know you can (and if possible SHOULD) bring this with you when you bring your little one home. Yes, even on the plane!
• Don't ever buy a used seat or let a kind-hearted soul give you an old one either. Just don't. 
• Toddler bed (maybe still a crib) or something for them to sleep on
• Seems like a no-brainer but still needs to be said! 
• Look into something that will last a few years or something that will last for another little one down the road.
• If you're unsure what your new arrival is interested in, get basic sheets/bedding until they're settled and then let them go with you to pick out their new bedding!
• Mattress pad/pee protectors - even if potty trained already, many children regress or just have accidents. 
• Go ahead and have grandma make that baby blanket she's been itching to make. Even though it's not something you'll swaddle your new little one in, it's something they'll love to snuggle. 
• Booster seat for the dinner table
• You may want placemats too. I'm afraid my table may never recover from our first spaghetti and meatballs experience.
• Bibs! Little Slick still gets put in one with some meals...like spaghetti.
• Plates/Silverware/Cups
• Little ones are unsteady and have small hands - accommodate them with things their size!
• Even at 3 years old, we'll likely be using sippy cups for a while. Get a few brands/kinds to see what you like. 
• And with these sippy cups/small things you'll still want a bottle brush to help clean them!
• You may want a few bottles to help some of the little ones learn to suck and a bottle a night is great for bonding. 
• Clothes/Shoes
• If you're unsure of sizes, go to a local consignment store and buy up and down the size you think before you make commitments with anything pricey.
• And along those lines, kids are messy - there's no shame in most of their wardrobe coming from places like this! Day to day clothes are mainly hand-me-down's or from consignments and going out/church clothes are what we pay the "big bucks" for.
• Carrier/Stroller
• I'd strongly suggest a carrier of some sort if your child is 30 pounds or under (can also do them with larger children but 30 sounded like a good mental cut-off to me). They're great for bonding and it makes maneuvering through airports/new places much easier. We have a mei-tai and it's AWESOME. Other carriers that people seem to love are Ergo's, Beco's, and Ring-Sling's. 
• A stroller could be useful in an airport and for future family outings. They're still little, with little legs. Those 4 hours you have planned at the zoo? You'll end up carrying them eventually if you don't have something to put them in!
• First aid
• You can pick up a pre-made kit or make one yourself! We made one with fun colors and band-aids. We made our main one and then mini ones for each vehicle and for on the go. 
• Ice packs for little boo-boo's
• Go ahead and have a started kit of medicines
• Tylenol
• Motrin 
• Sunscreen - visit http://safemama.com/cheatsheets/sunscreen/ for some good recommendations
• Thermometer
• Topical cream for bites
• Boogie Wipes! You'll thank me later
• Toothpaste (flouride free!) and a toothbrush - not really medicine but you get the picture
• Diaper bag
• It doesn't have to be a diaper bag but you'll want something you can pack extra clothes, gear, and it will get spilled on/in and sticky. Diaper bags are great because they're made to sustain toddler abuse and spills. 
• Child proofing things
• You may have already child-proofed for your home-study but if you haven't, plan on it! Even when they speak English and understand you, they'll still try to play in the formal dining room with your great-grandmother's china from 1917 - even if you're constantly watching them. 
• Potty seat!
• We have the one that sits ON the actual toilet and a little potty
• Some people hate the idea of his little separate potty but when you're busy making dinner, letting the dog out, on the potty yourself, etc. and cannot go help, it's nice to have something little enough for them to go to that they can manage alone. Even with a stool, Little Slick is still kind of unstable getting on/off the seat alone that's on the big potty.
• Oh, don't forget that stool! You'll need it outside of the bathroom as well!
• If not potty-trained - you'll need diapers/pull ups!
• Toys
• Start small, especially if you don't know what they're actually interested in. 
• Mega-blok type toys seem to be a hit with most kids
• Stuffed animals - bonus if one looks like your pets or if they go along with a book
• Books - the cardboard ones are amazing, still not kid proof completely, but much better than thin paper (RIP The Hungry Caterpillar :sniffle:)
• AND reading to your kiddo(s) is great for language acquisition and for future reading fluency :)
• Play food/cooking materials
• Balls - seems simple, but kids love them!
• Bath toys!
• Don't forget that baby shampoo! We love Aveeno for our sensitive skin little one. 
• Outside toys 
• Tricycle - don't forget the helmet! If you make the helmet a habit early, it will be less of a fight later on :)
• Sidewalk chalk
• Beach toys are useful anytime! We build dirt/mulch castles and dig all the time
• More balls! Big, little, doesn't matter
• Toys/books/entertainment for traveling or in the car
• Most parents let their kids watch TV, whether planning or not. If you're able to hold strong and not, more power to you. If you're like the rest of us, you'll likely let your newest addition watch a little, here and there. Go ahead and load up on some of YOUR childhood favorites or ones that you don't mind watching. I cannot tell you how many times I've realized that I'm still watching the show only to realize I put Little Slick down for his nap an hour ago. And little ones have little attention spans...but will quickly meltdown if you change from that show (that they were paying no attention to!)
• Storage for all toys. And buy storage with room to spare as you'll collect more and more as you go!
• Food - fact of the matter you may be plagued with a picky eater or a child who has figured out the one way they can have control is by controlling what they swallow
• Goldfish - still haven't met a kid who didn't like them
• Organic fruit pouches - fruit and veggies in them? I'm in. 
• Fresh fruit 
• When you buy bananas buy all levels of ripeness so they'll last longer
• Many children coming from orphanage settings are used to something similar to oatmeal - you can do the packs or make your own packs! I use this recipe: http://www.stockpilingmoms.com/2012/09/homemade-instant-oatmeal-packets/#_a5y_p=611792
• Fresh veggies (like broccoli, carrots, etc)
• Little Slick has never refused rice in any form or fashion. I think it's a texture thing. 
• You'll also need containers for all this or you'll be burning through ziplock bags super fast!
• You'll likely want to be conservative at first with high allergen foods, just like with a newborn, especially if there is any sort of communication barrier. 

General hints: 

• Just survive the first few weeks at home. After that you can start to "hit it hard" with your routine.
• If they don't bathe everyday, it's ok. Babywipes can do wonders. I don't even know if I've mentioned it before but Little Slick had severe water trauma when we brought him home and we just did wipe downs for a few weeks (yep, I said weeks!) until he trusted us enough to bathe him. 
• Don't worry if they will only eat apple slices one day. At least it's healthy, right??? No, but seriously, it's ok. Try again at the next meal, or try again tomorrow. If it becomes frequent, then call your pediatrician. 
• On that note, if adopting internationally, don't be surprised if you have trouble finding a pediatrician willing to meet with you before you bring your little one home. Pregnant women are given consultation type appointments where they can meet the doctor/staff - you likely won't be given that privilege. Ask around for recommendations. 
• Also be prepared to answer "unknown" on half of those new patient forms. 
• It's ok if they sleep with you. It's great for bonding. Do whatever you're comfortable with. Little Slick sleeps in his bed, in our room. We love it. 
• Your little one may not be used to being alone at night, may have nightmares, may just worry it's all a dream and you won't be there when they open their eyes. It helps when you're close by every time they open their eyes. Then you transition them when you're all ready. 
• Buy books/toys that encourage them to interact with you
• If they attach to a lovey/stuffed animal/blanket - buy a back up!
• Even if they've never seen one before, they'll learn how to unlock your smart phone within 12.5 seconds of seeing it. Be prepared. And if you're super smart, you'll lay ground rules immediately on touching/not touching it. Go ahead and apply those rules to your laptop and the remote control. 
• No, they're not a newborn but you will end up with bodily fluids on you within the first 6 weeks. 
• Bring another adult with you on your first outing. Especially if your first outing is the grocery store and your child is from an environment where they never had enough food - the grocery store is a very overwhelming place. You may need back-up. 
• Park close to the cart return at grocery stores - makes it a LOT easier. 
• And make a "touch the car" rule of sorts for when loading/unloading so they know not to wander. It literally only takes a second for a child to step away and a car to zoom by. 
• You don't have to share them (ok, you do with your spouse!). But seriously, tell grandma to back off. This new baby needs to learn that YOU are the Mama, they need to learn that YOU are their parent. They need to learn what a parent is. You give them food, you give them love, you give them everything they need (whether they need your help or not) for the first few months. Then slowly let grandma handle snack time, nap time, etc. You have to build that trust. 
• Teach them from day 1 how to properly interact with pets!
• Once they let you in, once they are receptive of your affection, never stop! Smother (ok, maybe smother is a strong word) them with kisses and hugs. They may have missed out on this prior to you. 
• And don't ever be afraid to contact your agency for help with anything. 

Have some other hints? Let me know and I'll add them :)

Exactly one year ago today...

Exactly one year ago today we were making dinner. I was preparing the vegetables to be grilled and Mr.Slick was preparing the chicken. 

The day before our paperwork had been received by our agency. The day before our consultant with the agency reminded us that every time she was calling, it wasn't any cause for concern or excitement necessarily. 

Well, the phone rang. It was our agency. 

I put it on speaker so Mr.Slick and I could hear what was up. We figured they went though our paperwork and they needed something else. 

But she said something else...

She said, "Well, I have some unexpected news. There's a little boy that I want to talk to you about. Do you want to see pictures?"

We got THE call. THE CALL!

While we dropped everything and were frantically trying to wipe away traces of dinner while simultaneously booting up the computer, she started reading off some information about him. She told us some good info and then said, "And his date of birth is June 26, 2010, so today is his 2nd birthday!"

We got THE call on his birthday!

She gave us more information and then said, "The email has been sent. Call me back after you've looked over the information and pictures."

And then we opened the pictures and saw the sweetest face we've ever seen. We saw Little Slick. We saw our son. 



You're told not to fall in love, not to get attached, but I just don't know how that's possible. 


We called my parents first and told them the news and then forwarded them a few pictures. And then because we live close to Mr.Slick's family, we made an excuse to go over there under the guise of printing off more paperwork. We even got Mr.Slick's sister in on the act. While we were there, her family made a "surprise visit" over. We got the email pulled up, acted like we were calm and just printing, and then asked his parents if they wanted to see something. If they wanted to see who would possibly become their grandson. It took a few seconds but then the tears and hugs came. Tears years in the making. Tears we had all been waiting to shed. For the first time, we had happy tears in our family growing journey. 

Happy birthday, baby. We celebrated your birthday in big ways that day, even though we were across the world and you had no clue. And I've loved celebrating with you today. 





And for anyone wondering: we completely forgot about dinner that night and had to throw it all out hours later when we finally got home.

What a difference a year makes!

One year ago today, we made a phone call. We were calling to make sure our dossier made it to our agency. We paid $44.67 in shipping to make sure it got there the next day, to make sure our precious paperwork was in the safe arms of our agency. The paperwork that would bring us you.

It took us approximately 6 weeks, 3 trips to the state capital to get documents apostilled, over 100 notarized copies of original forms, and lots of paper cuts to get this thing done. Little did we know that this over-stuffed 3 inch binder would bring our family together so soon!
 

I'm Yours

Little Slick, I'm yours. And you are now mine. But you have not always been mine. You were born to another Mama, another family, another life. 


But as I look back on things, I think we have always been yours. God has been preparing me and Papa for you for much longer than either of us were aware. 

My favorite classes in college were Early Childhood Education classes that covered developmental milestones, delays, attachment disorders and bonding techniques. This is what the majority of our training was over for your adoption. During our post tests for some of our mandatory training, as soon as that first question appeared quoting BF Skinner, and later ones mentioning Piaget, I knew I had it. I knew I would ace that test and I did - without ever having to look over any of the prepared materials. 

Your Papa has always had a fascination with Russian and Eastern European history...even before we ever dreamed we'd find our first baby in Russia. He knew war stories and fascinating tidbits even he seemed surprised to know/remember when we were walking around the city in Russia. 

Even our families were preparing for you. Your great-grandfather (my mother's father), he once traveled to the city where the orphanage was; where we went to meet you, fall in love with you, and to stay with you before we brought you home. He has pictures, souvenirs  and stories about where you're from. 

My mother? One of her very good friends used to travel to Russia frequently. She already had Russian dolls and intricate artwork in her house, things that when we visit Gigi's house we can see and marvel at with you. 


When we finally chose an agency we did so because of R, the woman who works for them who met with us at the informational session. She once worked for a different agency - the agency that my aunt and uncle used for their adoptions - the adoptions of my Russian cousins...and she was one of their consultants. She's helped bring 3 Russian children home for our family. 

Papa's parents for some reason held onto his tricycle all these years. When we brought you home, we realized quickly that you loved anything on wheels and they pulled it down from their attic and brought it over. It's your favorite thing.





Had we gotten pregnant our first cycle trying, my due date would have been late-June 2010. Your birthday is June 26, 2010. 

Had we gotten pregnant on our first IVF cycle, my due date would have been late-June 2012. We received THE call from our agency on your birthday, June 26, 2012. 




I think I've always been yours and I'm so glad that you're finally mine. My malyutka. 

Dear Mama's who happened into motherhood via adoption...

The following link was shared with me on Facebook tonight and I absolutely love it. 

Check out what Kathy has to say at: http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/#comment-5425

She gives incredible insight without getting too wordy, as I sometimes do. She keeps it real but also keeps it real for me. I like it.

Join the Movement

Today kicks off the start of National Infertility Awareness Week through the support and advocacy of Resolve. Join the movement and spread the word. Don't suffer in silence and don't settle. Not all pathways to parenthood are achievable, but there IS a pathway out there for you to be happy. Find your happy, for some that means making their baby, for others it means finding their baby, and for still others, it means choosing to close those doors forever. But, please find your happy.

In years past I referenced NIAW with blog posts and fb statuses about the longing to become a parent. This year, I'm on the other side. Some would say, that I've been cured of my infertility.

But have I been cured?

The cure for infertility is a baby, right? Little Slick is my baby, for sure and has definitely been the one to find the missing pieces of my heart. I don’t question that.

But am I cured?

The answer is no, I’m not cured. I’m still infertile. It still hurts me that I’ll never be pregnant. It hurts me more than anything in the world that I missed out on those things with Little Slick. It stings when I get an unexpected pregnancy announcement - especially since those unexpected ones always seem to proclaim, “We weren’t even trying!” or “This one better be a girl, I already have 3 boys!”

It hurts when friends and family seem to forget and talk with me about how much they miss their pregnant bellies and the newborn stage with their babies. It hurts me when people absentmindedly ask me things like, “When will you have another?” or “I bet he’s ready to be a big brother!”

Those things won’t come easy or at all for someone like me.

I don’t bear birth battle scars and stories. In the mothering world I am inferior in that aspect (some of you will be kind here and adamantly proclaim that’s false, but you are incorrect). I don’t remember that “newborn smell” or know what it’s like for him to look lovingly into my eyes while nursing, to which I sometimes want to yell, “Thanks so much for reminding me!” Someone else experienced those things with my baby. Someone who is a world away and I’ll never know.

I can't sanctimoniously post pictures like this on my Facebook wall.

No, I don’t want to feel your baby kick. I didn't get to feel mine. I don't have those cool videos of him throwing a dance party in my belly and seeing the waves of the belly from the outside. 

No, I don’t want to hear your pregnancy complaints. I'm sure it's terrible, and I really understand that parts of pregnancy aren't enjoyable - but please choose a different person to complain to. Please choose someone else who will understand, not someone who would give almost anything to have experienced that.

What I want is for me to be able to give all that, all those experiences to Little Slick but I can’t. I can’t give him those things. They’re forever lost and never recoverable.

So, I’m not cured but I’m managing. I’m enjoying my life and my little one. I love him more than I love myself but I’m still sad that I’ve lost these things for him - just trust me here, in my twisted mind these things are somehow my fault. I’m less of a woman because I don’t have certain experiences but I’m just as much a mother. Biology is least of which makes a woman a mother. My body failed my husband and our embryos but my heart has picked up where those left off by allowing me to not be too jaded and still love my child entirely. I’ll never be cured of my infertility; it’s chronic and never ending. I will however, triumph in parenthood.

For information about NIAW visit:

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html

For general information about infertility visit:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101

He's got it goin' on, y'all.

Little Slick is amazing, in so many ways. We had our official post-placement visit done a few weeks ago and it went so well. 

We were sent a list of questions to look over and reflect upon before our social worker's arrival and it was really good for us. We were forced to look back on our journey in detail. 

When we arrived at the orphanage to pick Little Slick up, he spoke zero English. Heck, he barely spoke Russian. 

Part of our post placement paper work asked us to count his English words...we stopped counting at 152. 

That's right, 152 English words. He also strings them together to form simple sentences. I remember the first unprompted sentence he said (to Ryan), "You stay here, I go get mama" and he came and got me. He is even using descriptor words, "Ooooo big truck!" or "Mama! Lello cement truck, mama!" or "Red stop sign, STOP!" He gets it. 

He can count to 10 with no assistance, even though every now and then one number will fall victim to 2 year old forgetfulness. He not only can count, he understands the concept of numbers. He knows the difference between 1, 2, or 3 buses on the road. He tells me when he sees 2 motorcycles opposed to just one. He gets it. 

He knows colors and shapes. He can identify AND say: circle, triangle, oval, rectangle, crescent, pentagon, hexagon, and octagon (I'll admit - he does sometimes mix the last three up!). And not only that, he can draw circles and triangles. He gets it. 

He can do a forward roll. He can jump, he can balance on each foot, he can throw a football overhand. He can catch - barehanded and he's even done it once with Mr. Slick's old baseball mitt. He can ride his tricycle all day long. He rode over 2 miles on it this weekend, all at once. Athleticism, he has it. 

He loves us. He loves Gunner. He has bonded with us. He knows WE'RE his people. This is his biggest accomplishment. He gets it. 

Our shy boy is now only shy with strangers. He is eager to talk our ears off, eager for hugs, eager to know what everything is, and why. The single thing he's clinging to in Russian is, "Sto eta" or "What's this?" He always wants to know. He wants to get it. 

We have been 100% diaper free for over a month now. ::does the running man:: He gets it!

He not only runs to us for comfort, but he's comforting as well. When I accidentally fell, he ran to me, helped me up and said, "Awwww, mama. Sokay? Mama band-aid? Boom kiss?" Compassion, he has it. 

My little man, he's got it goin' on. 

Chinese finger trap

The littlest Slick is sleeping in our room still (don't worry I can hear your disapproving gasps from here). 

I know it's what's best for him right now and to be completely honest, it's easier on us. 

His bed is on the floor right next to me. If and when he wakes up before me, he just sits up and sees me. If he coughs in the night, I hear it. Last night, I was not so stealthy sneaking in when it was time for mama to go to bed. 

I woke him up. This is basically what you spend 50% of your time AVOIDING as a parent: waking the child. And I did it. Rookie mistake. 

Anyway, I climbed into my bed, leaned over to rub his cheek and sing him back to sleep. As I was about to pull away he grabbed hold of my finger and said "Mama hold hand" 


::melt::


As he started to drift off into his little toddler dream land, I tried to gently take my finger back and that notion was swiftly denied. The 2 year old death grip got me. 

I relaxed my hand back and waited a few more minutes. Gently tried to pull away...he squeezed suddenly as I was almost free. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. 

I then resorted to trying the "quick like a bandaid" method. I'm guessing he could feel my muscles gearing up in anticipation of the pull and his finger trap kept me locked in. 

My arm was starting to go numb, my shoulder was sore, and my face was covered by my hair that I just couldn't completely clear due to the position I was in and not having use of one of my arms. 

I then got the giggles. Bad. I mean, the can't control your laughter, whole body shakes, a few snorts may have even slipped, kind of giggles. 

And I woke him up again. Mother of the year right here, folks. 

In the confusion of my giggle fit and snorting he released me from his trap. My arm was grateful but part of me was kind of sad. I know my days are numbered with this kind of stuff. He won't want to hold mama's hand while he sleeps forever. And he'll someday move into his room and I'm just not ready yet. 

So for now, I'm enjoying my uncomfortable snuggles with my boy. 

Always be

When we walked out of that orphanage in November with you in our arms, you didn't speak a word of English. That week and a half we spent with you, cooped up in a hotel? I'm pretty sure we learned more Russian from you than you learned English from us.

Now, you have just three words/phrases that you're holding on to. One of those being your name.

We chose the English/American version of your name, so it wasn't much of a stretch but it's still different. And what you call yourself in your 3rd person toddler speak is actually the nickname of your Russian name. You've answered to the name we gave you since our first official day as a family, but you have never let go of your Russian name.



Until yesterday. You mustered the words, "An-ne-ny's shoes"


I was taken aback. And honestly, I was a little sad. Sad to be losing my little Russian boy. But then later, during dinner, you shot me one of those looks. The type of look that tells an entire story in 2 seconds. A look where I could see that you're a much older soul than your 2 years of earthly age.

There he was. There was my little Russian boy.

Little pieces keep disappearing but it's like your Russian roots are limitless. You may lose little bits here and there, but you'll never lose it all. You'll never reach zero. To me, sweet boy, you'll always be my Antoshka. 

Dear Lindsay

Today has been, as usual, bittersweet. I miss you. Lots of people miss you, Linds. 




Today I couldn't wait to go get Anthony. Today of all days I needed to hug my baby a little tighter. The woman he stays with for daycare has a glass storm door so he always is looking and waiting for me excitedly. Today he was more excited than normal and wanting more hugs and kisses. 

I think you may have done that. 

I scooped my boy up and we walked out and while asking him about his day he very all the sudden took my face in his hands and turned it, "Mama yook!"  

He wanted me to look at the first and only flower growing in one of her flower beds. I don't know what exactly it was, but it was bright pink. 

I think you may have done that. 




Today I'm trying to be a little more patient, pray a little more, and to appreciate the little things a little more because that brings a little more of you back here to earth. 

Love you and miss you always. 

Mama

Since the day we picked you up from the orphanage, you have been my child. 

Since the day you set foot on American soil, you have been an American citizen. 

But it wasn't until 2 days ago that I was really your mama. You called me mama, of course, but until then you only came to me for food, comfort, to share a cool trick. All of those things awesome, but not necessarily  mama worthy. 




You were playing underneath the kitchen table. You had your snacks, your juice, a few toys/books all to keep you company. You'd call Gunner to come under with you and you'd share snacks and read to him. You were in your own perfect little 2 year old world. 

But that pesky table kept getting in your way. You'd stand up and bump your head. You'd back up and hit a chair, your tough little toddler head was protecting you from too much pain but it was clear it didn't feel good and you were getting frustrated. Once or twice you bumped it so hard, you came to me for a kiss or comfort but then you'd run back as quickly as you came. 

Then you bumped your head again. It wasn't so hard that I was worried you hurt yourself, I saw and heard it happen, it wasn't too bad. So I didn't immediately swoop in, I instead watched you from a distance to see how you'd react. 

You sat down, your shoulders rounded down in defeat, and then you turned around to me with tears welling up in your eyes with arms extended and yelled, "Mamaaaaaaaaaa!" 

That sight with the quiver in your voice made my feet move so fast to you. I picked you up and I loved how your tense little body softened as you nuzzled your face into my neck. You wrapped your arms around me and held me close. Your upset breathing became more regular and you calmed down with me. You let me hold you, rock you, and snuggle you for a long time. You didn't need me, you wanted me. You twirled my hair in your fingers and completely let go of the world. 

Then after a few minutes you picked up your head and held my face in your hands and you said it again, "Mama." But this time it was with calmness and a smile on your face. I said, "I love you" and you got a big grin and repeated back, "Wuv you!" and you kissed me and then wiggled down to the ground. 

It was then I became not only the person you called mama, I became your mama. Now the unprompted snuggles are more frequent, the kisses more often, and there's a softness in your voice when you say my name. 

I am your mama. 

Parenthood - Day 1

Today we got up and were ready to go by 8:30. We met our driver down at the lobby and headed out with him and the other couple from our agency shortly after. He drove us to the Vital Statistics Office where we met Mrs.P, The papa’s to be signed some papers, and suddenly we were officially parents! Apparently, they the mama's don't have to sign anything. 

After that we stopped by a bakery to pick up some cakes to take to the caretakers and we were then on our way to pick him up! When we got there we were put into the director's office instead of the big room and we waited there for the kids to be brought down to us. A came in first and when the door opened, he got the biggest smile on his face and came straight to me. It felt so good that he remembered us! The other couple’s son was then brought in and we had just a few minutes to change their clothes before saying our goodbyes. A was a little nervous when we started changing him but he warmed back up with some hugs and snuggles. 

After the boys were changed into their new clothes and snow suits, we were taken to their rooms so they could say goodbye to their friends and caretakers. All the children were seated nicely in their little chairs and he waved bye-bye to them and one little girl came up and gave him a hug and kiss - we got it on video thankfully! Next he said goodbye to his caretakers. They doted over him and cried a little and then we gave them hugs and I think we all cried then. We were in there for maybe a minute or two and then told we had to leave. It was short and fast but I'm so glad we were able to say goodbye and get some pictures. 

Directly after picking the boys up we went to a place to get their passport pictures taken. The other family went first and it went without a hitch. Then it was our turn. The bright lights and broken chair made for a traumatic event. After several attempts and Mrs.P bribing him with chocolate we got an acceptable picture and we were out of there! He was very relieved to be done with that. 

After pictures we came back to the hotel for lunch where the hotel staff made chicken and dumplings soup (a common dish served at the baby homes) to accommodate all the families bringing their children back today. He loved the soup and bread but had some trouble figuring out the sippy cup. After lunch the papa’s had to go run some official errands with Mrs.P (again apparently the mama's aren't needed) and I got to stay back with A. 

We played for a few hours and he even took a short nap. It was so nice to have him snuggled up next to me. Mr.Slick came back with some groceries and then I cooked dinner. He ate a lot! After dinner we played a little more and then it was bath time. This was very traumatic...for all of us. Baths are very seldom given, if ever and very harshly scrubbed when it's done. Usually when they're bathed it means they're very stinky, got very dirty, got sick, etc. so they may be or feel like they're in trouble. But he's no longer stinky and is now in his new pajamas - they were the first purchase we ever made for him. We bought them just a few days after we got the call about him. He's now snuggling on the couch with us and seems to be calmed down and forgiven us. 

We'll be going to bed soon, so hopefully he sleeps. We are so happy to finally have our boy with us. 

Court day...

We got up this morning extra early so we would have time to get ready, eat breakfast, and quiz each other a little more. We both barely ate this morning as we were very nervous about court. We left the hotel around 9:15 with Mrs.P and we walked to the court house. It's only about a 15 minute walk but it was very windy and chilly getting there. While we were waiting we took turns pacing the floor and playing games on the iPhone all while quizzing each other over various facts, training's, and other useful information. To think one person holds in their hands the power to prevent you from becoming a parent is very unnerving. All Russian court proceedings are confidential so we won't be sharing any details but…

 She said, "Da!"

We’re parents!

After that we walked back to the hotel, all of us very excited (the other couple from our agency also got good news). Mrs. P commented that she was very proud of  all of us. When we got back, Mrs.P  told us that we couldn’t go back to the orphanage today until nap time was over at 3, so we had about 2.5 hours to ourselves. The other couple asked about the Pan-Asian restaurant we mentioned from our first trip and we all decided to go. It's about a 20 minute walk from the hotel (we actually walked right by the court house again) and luckily for us it had warmed up considerably! We felt like experienced travelers compared to them as they had not been out of the hotel without Mrs.P  on this trip or their first trip. We led the way, through some local markets and the we went by some local landmarks like the Russian Orthodox Church we wrote about in our first trip. We found the restaurant easily and had a pretty good meal, minus some communication issues with the wait staff - but all ended up well.

We walked back this time by the beach and little souvenir stands and had a good time talking with and getting to know the other couple. We arrived back at the hotel with about 20 minutes to spare and by 3:00 we were on our way back to the orphanage. 

Today A was very excited to see us and didn't hesitate for a second. It's bittersweet that we can't continue to build that bond and relationship. It was much calmer today with only the 1 other couple and their son and no others in the room. A definitely opened up a little more and took full advantage of the space to run around. We played basketball, soccer, read some books, and found what was his favorite toy for the day: a balloon! We changed his clothes into the Halloween outfit we brought with us. Tomorrow is Halloween in Russia since they celebrate on the last Friday in October (we wish the US did this too!). 

The director didn't seem to want us there today as she had other things she wanted to do and errands to run so we only had about 1.5 hours with him today. She even told Mrs.P  to make sure and not come back tomorrow as she had things to do :( We were hoping we would be able to sneak back in for at least a few minutes. I guess it was good that we didn't know it was going to be short because we didn't have time to be sad when she came to get him. We got a good video of him waving bye bye today but we still didn't catch the elusive blowing of kisses on video. When he got in the hallway all we heard was him talking to the director. We don't know what he was saying but we'd like to think he was saying how much fun he had. He definitely understands what our "names" are and when we say "mama" or "papa" he looks right into our eyes or runs to the one we said. Today I even got a kiss initiated by A! We weren't nearly as sad leaving this time because we know we'll be back in 30 days!

After that went to go pick up some other documents for another family and we went on a nice walk. We're now back at the hotel and starting to pack up our things for our trip back home. We leave tomorrow and on the way out of town we'll stop at the other hotel we'll stay in next time since it's more family friendly. 

Thanks again for all your prayers!

Trip 2 - Day 3

Today when we went upstairs to the big playroom, there was another couple, facilitator, and the social worker and the other couple was holding A. We both immediately put our stuff down and asked why they were holding A (ok, Mr. Slick calmly put his stuff down, I threw mine down and wheeled around about to start a fight. I swear I’m normally calm). By that time they put him down and he walked over towards the social worker and he confused and absolutely terrified. Then he saw me and put his arms up for me to pick him up and he calmed down. The other couple’s facilitator immediately left the room and a few minutes later their child was brought in. Apparently A was brought in first since his room is right next door and the other couple thought he was theirs. We know this couple is on their 2nd trip since they were also getting their medical exams yesterday but we can't figure out how they didn't know that wasn't their child. We recognized A even with an extreme haircut immediately. All three of us were a little upset but we calmed down quickly. Mrs.P later explained that situations like that one are one of the many reasons why she doesn't like that facilitator - he doesn't even know the children he matches with families. 

He was full of hugs for the first 10-15 minutes perhaps partially because of the incident earlier but we didn't mind. We always love hugs and snuggles from him. There were 5 families there today including us and the other couple from our agency. Three of the couples (us, our friends, and the ones who thought A was theirs) all were in the big room and the other two couples were in a smaller room that was attached. Today they turned on the heat and with that and all the body heat it was miserably hot in there. There were 6 adoptive parents, 2 facilitators, the social worker observing all of us for court and the three kids - it was a packed house. 

A is a very curious little boy and wanted to watch all the other children playing but he never wandered over to them and always stayed close to us. We found out today that he loves to draw and we have our first piece of artwork to display on our refrigerator at home! Mrs.P eventually opened a window and we all took turns with our little ones on the window sill getting some fresh air. A loved seeing the birds playing outside and the cars driving by. 

Later, we were playing with his puppy dog and the orphanage music teacher came in to get ready for the day and she sang with him a few songs. He really seems to like her and would smile and listen as she sang but he would never leave our laps or go far from us. 

We looked through his picture album several times and he really seems to understand that Mama and Papa in the pictures are us. He's making the connection well and will go to Mama or go to Papa when you ask him to. 

Today was the other couple's (from our agency) child's 3rd birthday. It was fun to see him open a present and see his face when they told him happy birthday in Russian. He loved the wrapping paper and ribbon but loved the toy car inside even more! 

Today we changed his clothes again as he came in wearing the same ones as yesterday and he put his shirt on pretty much by himself! He needed some help with the pants as they were still a little too big. He's a skinny boy and he gave us a view of the moon every once in a while. He didn't get upset when we changed him today, he seems to trust us a little more in that aspect. We're hoping tomorrow to change him into a little Halloween outfit we brought for him. 

Before we left, the music teacher looked over at our picture album we brought for court and asked if she could see it. She then started asking Mrs.P a lot of questions. She was very impressed by our house, his room and his playroom. She also said he seems very happy with us. The social worker also told Mrs.P that we were the perfect match for A and that he seems to like us a lot. 

After playing for about an hour and a half it was time to go so we said our goodbyes. We still didn't get him waving and blowing kisses! He seems to be in such a hurry to go get lunch. We then all went to lunch to the traditional Russian restaurant we went last time. We both had the delicious beef stroganoff and the amazing pavlova again (dessert).

Besides my mama bear instincts coming out today when the other couple had A, today was a very good day. We still are asking for prayers for court tomorrow and we'll update as soon as we can. We're so excited that we'll get to go see him after court tomorrow!

Medical Exam Day!

Trip 2, Day 2:

Today we woke up and met the other couple from our agency for breakfast. We really like them and have enjoyed getting to know them and having other people to talk with. They're adopting their first child from the same orphanage and he's just a little older than A. We feel a little impatient since they have waited now for almost 16 years to have their first child. They we were really nervous about their child not remembering them but we were able to ease some of their fears by reminding them that even if he doesn't remember them, that they already know what he likes/doesn't like. 

We woke up to our hotel view of rooftops covered in about 3 inches of snow! It's definitely cold today. We left for the orphanage around 10 am and arrived about 5-10 minutes later. We were put in the same big room as before with the other couple. A was brought in first since he lives in that building but the other couple had to wait a few minutes since their son lives in the other building. A came in and was a little upset but slowly walked up to Mr.Slick. He let him pick him up and hold him for a few minutes until he calmed down and was ready to play. 

He seems to love his new photo album we brought him of his house, us, him, etc. and would walk around the room with it and his puppy dog. Those two things never were far from him. He and the other little boy kicked a ball back and forth together - it was nice to see how he interacted with another child. He was very interested in them and wanted to watch them but he always stayed close to us and wanted to be in our laps. 

We brought him new clothes today and changed him into these since he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. He didn't seem to be as upset when we changed his clothes this time as last trip but maybe that's because we knew how to go about doing it. He even wanted to put his pants on by himself and helped me get his shirt and shoes on. He's still not talking much but he will say dog in Russian when he sees pictures of Gunner. He did also say bye to us in Russian when he left today for lunch as he waved and blew kisses again. 

We just got back from our medical examinations and it was crazy! We walked there from the hotel in the cold but we made it. The clinic is in a 200 year old, beautiful building. Every room has ornate floor tiles or wood and chandeliers. It used to be the home of a rich family but it's still mostly in its original condition and in need of some work. We were told this process would be very easy and it would only take about 10-15 minutes. And that was mostly true. But...when one of the doctors was examining Mr.Slick's x-ray (right before we were to get our blood pressure mind you) she found something on the x-ray that there was a problem. Needless to say, our blood pressure shot through the roof! We were no longer calm and were worried. It turned out to be no big deal and she just saw what was likely an old rib injury. We then were taken to the exam room where several doctors looked us over and asked us questions, all at one time and in broken English. It was very hectic and we had no clue what was going on. One doctor asked me, "Do you have children?" so I answered, "No." He then got a funny look on his face and said, "Why no children?" so I explained. Then Mrs.P came to the rescue and said he was asking why we wanted to adopt. So we got that cleared up and we were then taken to see a few other doctors who asked us a few questions and we were cleared! In retrospect it would have been easy if we knew what to expect and if we hadn't been worried about the x-ray issue. 

Mrs.P gave us some notes to study for court, so that's what we're doing now. Tomorrow we go see A again and we hope the weather will be nice enough to go outside. We'd love to see him play out there and get him in some fresh air.